Choices are something John Bryson is good at avoiding. His parents set rules, his family set traditions, and all he's ever done is toe the line. But now he's a college freshman facing the toughest choices of all. Should he go to the Sunday night parties, should he skip class, and what should he do about the spaceship he inherited from his Grandmother?
Struggling to find an identity John is caught up in the kind of adventure he thought he'd never see outside Hollywood. There's a beautiful blond who wants to console him over his Grandmothers death, a smiling man who wants his soul, and a motley group of intergalactic rejects who want his help. John now has to choose between curing cancer, ending war, and prolonging lives and giving everyone else the chance to make that choice for themselves. And he needs to do that before his calculus test on Thursday.
Haaha! Oh, YES. %-) Why isn't this done yet, hmmm?
ReplyDeleteI love the humor and the juxtaposition of space opera and collage drama. :P
Great ending line.
~Merc
he he he..... um, it's not done because I'm eaisly distracted and I need to figure out the last 3 chapters????
ReplyDeleteIt's on my to-do list.... promise!
Very fun! I'm hooked. 8^) The conflict is a bit muddled for me because it's conveyed out of context, but based on the rest of the blurb, I'd take it on faith the story would deliver.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds good, but the tone of the blurb until the bit about the space ship is genreless--it sounds like a contemporary book. When I got to the bit about the spaceship, it pulled me out of the blurb because it seemed to come right out of left field. I would try to get some sci-fi elements into the opening here, to make it mesh a bit better with the rest of the blurb. Sounds interesting tho!
ReplyDeleteI liked the sudden punch of "what should he do about the spaceship he inherited from his Grandmother." It was so unexpected! I suddenly realized that this story was going to be WAY more fun.
ReplyDeleteI think it needs tightening overall, though. Something tells me your story has a lot more "punch" than this blurb does. As it stands, I'm not sure I'm hooked.
BTW: "tow the line," not "toe the line."
:)
Ah! I had tow originally and one of my beta-readers insisted it was toe... maybe it's a USA/Aus difference? I'm terrible with that. Thank you for correcting me though :)
ReplyDeleteI'm with Angela on this one. The bit about the spaceship pulled me out of the blurb because it came *so far* out of left field. But the rest of it sounds promising.
ReplyDeleteYes, this sounds quirky and fun and I'd definitely investigate further. I loved the line about the spaceship; it sounded rather mundane until then!
ReplyDeleteThe last line is a grabber for me too.
Well, just-me, I've done some research, and it appears that your Beta reader is technically correct. The ORIGINAL and CORRECT usage is "toe the line," as in touch your toe to the line (as in, on your mark, get set...). The later and less correct "tow the line" is in reference to towing the lines on a sailing ship, and while that does make sense, it isn't the purest and original form of the phrase.
ReplyDeleteSo...scratch what I said and keep your "toe!" (Because I am, after all, an inveterate purist, and am glad to have learned this.)
I think the first couple sentences being so ho-hum really set up the space ship nicely. I wouldn't loose this, although you could shorten the first para by a sentence.
ReplyDeleteThe spaceship line, of course, is precious.
What do the intergalactic rejects want his help doing? A beautiful blond wanting to console him hardly sounds bad, what's the conflict she offers?
Keep the last line too... I love the way it mixes the mundane back in and feels like John is living a double life.
Great work!
It piqued my curiosity and I would like to know more. However, it didn't flow smoothly, could possibly use some changes, such as making the last line of the first paragraph into 3 separate questions.
ReplyDelete