TITLE: The Lovely Invisible
GENRE: YA fantasy
I stared at the face of the god of love instead of the polished bronze mirror balanced on his wings.
“Look at yourself.” Nuri tilted up my chin with her thin brown fingers.
I kept my eyes fastened on the marble god. His mouth was sculpted in such a way I couldn’t determine whether he scowled or smirked at me.
Scrutinizing my choice of attire, Nuri clucked her tongue. “You shame the patron goddess.”
I wriggled my chin from her grasp. “I thought the virginal white would please her.”
“Don’t try and fool me, Isidora. I’ve been in your service since the day you were weaned. You chose the white because it’s plain.” She grabbed a fistful of my robe as if it were enough evidence to banish me.
I sighed and glanced at the foot of the mirror, where three scrolls of newly delivered papyrus lay waiting to be read. I wanted this day to be over. I wanted to curl into a quiet corner of the palace and read about the new cranes in Athens that lifted massive blocks of marble, the paved slipway near Corinth where boats were dragged across the isthmus, the rare collection of elegies by female poets. “Why should I draw attention to myself on Procession Day? The glory should go to the goddess.”
The god below the mirror definitely scowled at me, as if he were more than chiseled stone and could hear my lie. I cared nothing for the glory of Aphrodite.
Isidora seems like a fiery MC. And I like a book-smart heroine!
ReplyDeleteWell done dialogue. I want to read on to find out what "Procession Day" entails.
I'm immediately drawn to this character and LOVE this setting. So unique. And beautiful writing too. I wanna know what's on those scrolls. :)
ReplyDeleteLovely writing that flows well. I like that Isidora is her own person and that she's more interested in all the new technology than some sort of religious procession.
ReplyDeleteI would keep reading!
I like this too! The MC is appealing. :)
ReplyDeleteI like Isadora already. She's smart and she doesn't simply believe in tradition. I imagine she'll be rocking this Greek boat quite a bit. I would read more. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteLove this! Such a fiesty beginning for the setting! I like the promises made in this. I can see a lot of conflict arising already.
ReplyDeleteLove. This sucked me right in.
ReplyDeleteI really like the title. I wasn't hooked by the first line, it gave me a little trouble to figure out what was happening. For me, it seemed like I missed something. But, I agree with the others that the writing is strong. Some great description is shown here in a way that adds to the characters. I can visualize this so easily. Nice work.
ReplyDeleteI, too, tripped a little on the first few paras, as I realised that Nuri was not the love god and the god was actually a statue.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise, i'm interested to find out who Isidora is...obviously important if she has scrolls of papyrus delivered to her. And nerdy enough to not care about clothing or the glory of the love goddess, but instead to wonder at developments in technology. My kind of heroine!
This is intriguing. I like that there's already conflict and I'm really interested to find out what happens on the Procession Day. Oh, and I love the title, too.
ReplyDeleteGreat setup! It holds so much promise, and it's well written. Love the technology aspect. I'd definitely read more.
ReplyDeleteI’m hooked! Great writing, great setting, great voice Greek mythology fantasies can be tough because there’s so much out there, but this one may just stand out.
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