Thursday, February 23, 2012

First Line Grabber #28

TITLE: Light Shifters
GENRE: Paranormal Tween

I was born mooning the world.

62 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Yes! I could picture this immediately (cute baby butt!). I'd love to keep reading.

Milena said...

Yes! After that sentence, I just couldn't put it down.

Katherine Ernst said...

No. This one was close for me, but my initial reaction to reading it was: "Aren't we all born mooning the world?" I mean, we're all born naked. If you're going for a mental picture of a breached birth, then this just didn't do it for me for some reason.

Nicole said...

Can I say maybe? I feel like I've seen this line before.

Casey said...

No. Close for me but not quite enough to draw me in.

Loralie Hall said...

No. It's short and to the point and clear, but since the story is probably not from the baby's POV, this feels like something tossed in to add artificial pop instead of placing us in the moment.

I might feel differently if I saw what came immediately after, but as a stand alone, my answer is no.

Alessa Hinlo said...

Yes. It was humorous and I'd keep reading to get more of this voice.

Cheyenne Hill said...

No. Agreed that since we're all born naked, this doesn't exactly set the MC apart for me. But maybe we're meant to be intrigued by the fact that the MC chooses *this* part of being born to focus on. Which I kind of like. But not really enough.

Happy Dolphin said...

No
As has been said, we all come into the world in a similar fashion so there's nothing there to stand out.

B.E. Sanderson said...

Yes. The sentence got an immediate 'hehe' out of me and made me want to see what came next.

Betsy said...

No. Until I read the comments, I was baffled. Now it makes sense, but it feels like hearing the punch line before the joke. I think more set up would bring out the humor.

AngiNicole said...

Yes! More please!

Alice said...

Yes, this is funny.

KimberlyFDR said...

No

This one was close for me because it does set up a humorous side of your narrator, but we're all born mooning the world. And if you're trying to utilize the image of a breech birth, then I'm not sure humor should be the right way to go.

Tyson said...

Yes.

There is humour here. For me. But weren't we all born mooning the world? :D But you got voice off the bat. So I am sold.

Jean Davis said...

No. We're all born that way so it doesn't feel like anything original.

MarcyKate said...

Yes. You made me laugh and that pretty much ensures I'll keep reading.

GSMarlene said...

No.
Just got the image of a breech birth couldn't draw a paranormal connection with that.

Holly Bodger said...

No.

I almost said Yes but then I read it again and couldn't figure out how you moon the entire world at birth. It's really close though.

S. Kyle Davis said...

Yes. I agree that technically it doesn't quite bring up the image, but that's not really the point, I don't think. It says quite a bit about the character. Someone who describes their birth like that seems to me to be a very "Tom Sawyer" sort of attitude, a scoundrel.

Rick said...

Yes. It's funny and irreverent and I like the voice, so I'd keep reading.

Spiral said...

Yes. Starting with humor worked for me, dispite the over saturation of YA/Tween paranormal stuff. If I didn't know the genre - I'd read on.

Jessica Negron said...

No.

If the MC is trying to say he was born butt-first, I don't think this was an effective way to say that. The image was confusing to get straight in my head and I don't even know if I got it right.

A. K. Fotinos-Hoyer said...

No. A lot of babies are born butt-first.

Erin said...

No. For the same reasons as others have stated. All children are born naked so essentially everyone is born mooning the world.

Liberty Speidel said...

No. My first thought was, "Aren't most people?"

Plumbago said...

Yes. Voice is funny and I want to hear what else s/he has to say and how this ties in to the plot/character.

Amy said...

No.

Because there's nothing that stands out about that statement.

Sara J. Henry said...

No. For me, too cute - maybe if it had more afterward, making clear this is a funny way of saying breech birth.

Kimberly said...

No, a little to obvious for me. Everyone is born mooning the world.

Travis said...

Yes.

It's a great line and tells me the author has a cheeky sense of humor, pun intended.

Feaky Snucker said...

Yes! This shows voice, and shows a bit about the MC - they've been cheeky since they were born. I'd definitely read on.

The REALLY Real Curious Crow said...

Yes. While we're all born naked, we're not all born "mooning the world." There's an attitude, a voice, that comes across in the choice of words. Don't know, though, if this is a prankster character or a character who sees the mooning as a sort of "flipping off" to the world. I'd read on to find out!

SMKrafty said...

No- it just doesn't grab me. there's no real tension just a statement. How is this important?

rbgreene04 said...

Yes. This made me smile! Simple, but the voice is clear.

JL Dannor said...

Yes. I want to know why that's important.

Ru said...

No. It's close, but just not there. Anything that starts with "I was born" reminds me of David Copperfield (and then Catcher in the Rye), so it then has set itself apart immediately, and this just didn't do it for me. It's funny, but not quite funny enough for me to really care.

Patti said...

No, but I do agree with the others. The voice is there,

Shakier Anthem said...

No. I agree that it's *almost* there, but I need something else to make this one stand out. As others have gotten at, what made this naked baby different than all other naked babies?

DJ said...

Cheeky! It made me laugh, so yeah, I'd continue on.

sarahwedgbrow said...

No. It made me chuckle, but it didn't make me interested.

skywriter said...

Yes! Cute, and sets the stage. She's not mooning the hospital staff, the setting feels like the outdoors, a little wild.

Vivi said...

Yes! Funny commentary on the way a person is born.

Heather said...

Yes.

It was close, though, and I'm giving it the benefit of the doubt. Technically, we're all born mooning the world, but I do like the attitude and irreverance that comes across with the observation.

But this is entirely a sentence that I'm prepared to take on faith that it relates immediately to what's going on in the current scene.

If this sentence is followed by a bunch of exposition about how much of an irreverant attitude the narrator has, then you've lost me. If the sentence is followed by immediate action/consequences where the MC is doing something similar, showing that he hasn't really changed all that much, then I'll find it homorous. (Except mooning strikes me as YA... I might be wrong though)

If, however, this turns into a werewolf story, I will heavily roll my eyes at the over-the-top moon reference on line one.

Cheryl said...

Yes. Very funny and I immediately get it (that is, assuming the narrator was born breech.)

sbjames said...

No. My first thought was also, aren't we all? Then, I realized oh, no we aren't, but I wonder if a teen is going to pick up on that subtlety. After all, I've even given birth twice and i had to pause a minute. I don't think you want that on your first line. But, (no pun intneded) I do like the idea/humor- can you rephrase it slightly?

AG said...

Yes. What a way to start your life, haha.

Wen Baragrey said...

No. I was born butt-first and I sure wouldn't want to read a book about me. It is funny, and maybe with some context it might work, but as a stand-alone first line it didn't really make me want to read what was next. Sorry.

Julia said...

Yes. This is hilarious, and I want to see where you're going with it.

Jo-Ann said...

No.
I actually like the attitude inherant in the voice, but I think I've heard Bart Simpson use that line, or close.

Beth H said...

Yes. I get a good sense of the voice, and it's funny (I will almost always vote for funny).

Steph Su said...

Yes. It made me smile, and want to know what comes next.

geewiz said...

No. As others have said...felt like I heard this one before.

Nata ArtistaDonna said...

No. I was.......doesn't work for ....passive...but the mooning the world did get my attention

Danika dinsmore said...

Yes.

Many of you are saying we're all born naked, which is true, but "mooning" is a deliberate juvenile act. (and yes, some of my friends and I went "mooning" one night in high school). So, to me, I see a rebel in the first sentence. It's like he flipped off the world as soon as he arrived and has been flipping it off ever since. I sense the posibility of redemption in this story.

And I laughed.

A Little Push said...

No. This doesn't sound like a natural part of whatever scene it's in, like it's trying too hard.

macaronipants said...

Yes - if he/she was born butt first. Which happens! But if it's just a clever way to show character, I'd say no.

JeffO said...

Yes.

It made me pause for a second, and then made me laugh. And while we're all born naked, we're not all born butt first.

HML said...

Yes. It's clever and simple --makes me want to read on.

Abbe Hoggan said...

No.

I wish I had a more specific explanation, but it just didn't appeal to me.

LMT said...

Yes. It's funny. I think the MC is flipping off the world. Perhaps a bit of a jokester.

Lanette said...

Yes. A breech being a metaphor for the rest of the person's life is funny. Not the way I said, but the way it was introduced.