Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Logline Critique Round Three #19

GENRE: MG Early Reader

When Holly Hollingsworth’s mother told her to create something for the Halloween contest, she used the freshly fallen snow, her hated Halloween costume, and a pumpkin to create a winning entry.


  1. It sounds cute but now I know how it ends so I don't have to read it. :) Maybe leave off the part about winning and should the title be Holly Hollingsworth Hates Halloween?

  2. Is this really middle grade? It sounds more like a picture book.

    I'm not seeing any conflict here. The goal is to create a Halloween costume and Holly does that, end of story. Or is there another complication to come?

  3. I think there's something missing in your title - just a typo maybe?

    What's at stake here? Why does she have to make something for the contest?

    E.g. Holly Hollingworth hates Halloween but when her mom promises her a dog if she wins the contest, she's mad to succeed. But what chance does she have with only bla bla and bla?

    Okay so that's bad, but I hope it will help!!

    I think it might work as an early chapter book idea.

  4. Cute concept, but I have to echo Kate with this one. What's at stake? Why does she have to make something for the contest and what will happen to her if she loses it? What's the major antagonistic force at work in the story and how does it stand in the way of her goal? Incorporate that. Good luck!

  5. It seems the end/stakes has been left off, also with the title. Did you leave something out? Sounds cute, though.

  6. This needs some motivation. Why did she use these things for the entry? Was it her goal to lose or to prove she hated Halloween?

    Good luck!