Wednesday, January 13, 2010

26 Secret Agent

TITLE: The Morretain Prince
GENRE: YA Fantasy

Kieren heard the Call just as her husband unrolled the parchment map of the kingdom’s newest trade route. Noises tore through her head and a barrage of images hit her, each too wild to grasp. A voice, loud and full of fear like the roar of a winter wind, broke through the sound.

Elerosse is hurt.

She ran. Elemmire and the other nobles in the chamber room called after her, but she did not turn around. Her son was hurt, and nothing in the kingdom could keep her from him.

Her heart pounded as she pushed through the crowded stone hallways. Elemmire’s heavy footfalls fell behind hers, but she could not stop; would not waste breath answering the questions he threw at her.

Her son’s edere, his elvish Light, was cast in shadow. She felt the darkness.

Kieren rounded a corner, then raced down a stairwell towards the Great Hall. Rosse and his cousins were supposed to spend the day in the garden when afternoon lessons were over. She sent a silent plea to the Gods that the elflings were still there. Morraugh, please do not take him from me. Not another one.

Last steps cleared, she turned left towards the inner gate. Only a few more feet and…

She froze. Couldn’t move; couldn’t think.

Her eldest brother stood in the archway, his twin elflings at his side. The children were pale faced, eyes fixed on the silent, unmoving bundle their father held.

Bile rose in her throat.



  1. Very nice writing; intriguing story. I like the way the otherworldly elements are woven naturally into the story. I'm guessing this is likely a prologue since the main character is not a teenager. As it is now, it feels more like adult fantasy than YA. I'd keep reading, though.

  2. Oh....Totally hooked. I'm not one for elvin lore but still this is a very compelling story. :D

  3. This is off to an exciting start. Good job building action into the opening. Great descriptions.

  4. Doesn't seem YA for now, but I do like the story. I would read more.

  5. I like this, but husband and child combo makes me wonder where the YA comes in...

  6. Hooked, line and sinker! (So to speak.) Nice emotion in just a few words.

  7. I was wondering where the YA came in, and I would have liked more of a sense of place. And why wouldn't she tell her husband their son was hurt? He was standing right next to her?

    Apart from that, what you gave us was exciting, and you left us with enough of a hook to make me wonder what happened and read on. (I'm guessing the elfling twins did it)

  8. Nice! Love that you can feel her panic. Not YA, though, unless she had the kid at 13 (possible of course, depending on time and place) and he's only 4 or 5. Would love to see what happens next.

  9. I like it but I wouldn't keep reading unless I know Kieren isn't the mc. Otherwise this would be adult fantasy, and that's a genre I definitely don't read.

    I'll admit, I'm finding all the fantasy voices are starting to sound a like. Maybe that's why I prefer YA contemporary/paranormal/urban fantasies. There seems to be a variation in voice there.

    Good luck!

  10. This is definitely intriguing. Also wondering about the age of the protag, though.

  11. Hooked, and hooked:) Didn't even notice that the MC was too old to be YA - I was too drawn into the story. Nice job.