TITLE: Urban Mythos
GENRE: YA Urban Fantasy
"My name is Zydeco, and I am a recovering mythological creature." I stood at the makeshift podium and looked out over the musty, high ceilinged room, my fingers clutching the stone hanging on the black rope around my neck.
For the first time in three months, tonight was my turn to kick off the meeting. Moments ago, the regulars had finished up their conversations and hunkered down into the rows of folding chairs with stale donuts in hand. Some newbies continued to mill about the cramped YMCA gymnasium, their eyes darting around nervously. This was the most popular group of its kind in the city, and as a result everyone sat in rows instead of a circle.
As one out of tune voice, they answered, "Hello, Zydeco."
The canned response didn't always make me crack up, but after hearing it about eight hundred times, I couldn't help but chuckle a little. I swear, sometimes I thought they were sheep -- the weird, legendary kind that flies and craps rubies. Don't get me wrong, these guys were great and everything. They had done the human thing for a heck of a lot longer than I had.
Octavio bustled to the front row, shushing everyone and motioning the stragglers to their seats. As usual, when he parked himself, coffee slopped over the edge of the styrofoam cup and onto his yellow tie. He jerked his head down, which made the bad smelling stuff spill onto the ample belly of his white shirt.
I LOVE your first line. It hooks, right from the start!
ReplyDeleteDitto. That first line is great!
ReplyDeleteI love the humor in this and what a great opening hook! Awesome voice, original concept -- I would definitely read more.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA! A support group for mythological creatures? This is great so far.
ReplyDeleteWhat an amusing concept. You could go so many directions with this.
ReplyDeleteOne very small thing - in the fourth para since you say 'they' were sheep it implies that sheep is plural. If that's the case then the next line should read ...'the kind that FLY and CRAP rubies.'
This isn't the kind of thing I would ususally read, but because your concept is so interesting and your writing style so humorous I would read on. Nice job.
Oh yes! I love a recovery group for mythological creatures. The second para has some mundane details- but they're interesting because we know this isn't a typical AA. I love the disparate elements at play. I feel like Harry Dresden could stop in and give a pep talk or something (not quite the right genre, I know, but it reminded me of that.) Good work.
ReplyDeleteThis is halarious. I love it. You have me hooked totally.
ReplyDeleteInteresting, but not quite hooked. As TKastle said, this could go in so many different directions. I want to read on because I like the direction your taking, not because I want to see where you're taking it to see if I like it. Maybe give us a hint of where it's going rather than building a scene that's like any other AA meeting.
ReplyDeleteGreat first line and I'm intrigued at the premise of mythological creatures becoming human...seemingly by choice? Yet struggling with it. Makes me interested to know what the story is about.
ReplyDeleteYour first line made me laugh out loud.
ReplyDeleteHooked! So funny. Maybe you could even joke about YMCA standing for "Young Mythological Creatures Association," instead of what we silly humans think. :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm hooked. Very funny, great voice and fairly tight writing. The only miss for me came in the last line when you call the coffee, "bad smelling stuff." Seems you could do a bit better, but that one phrase sure wouldn't deter me. I'd read more.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great opening! This was a fun read from beginning to end, as it brims over with personality, yet the action and details don't get in the way of the forward movement of the story. I'd love to see more of this one!
ReplyDeleteMust say I LOVE the title! (And the rest of it!)
ReplyDeleteBest wishes!
A great opening sentence, and a very interesting concept. The only problem that I had with the first page was that I couldn't see why Zydeco needed this group and what he hoped to get from it--he clearly despises it.
ReplyDeleteHa! I like the wry humor in this. I do want to know more about where the story is going, though, not necessarily in these paragraphs, but soon after, for example, I'm curious to know what kind of mythological creature Zydeco is.
ReplyDeleteLove this! You've got a great voice and a unique concept - I'd definitely read on :)
ReplyDeleteThis is a lot of fun. I'd keep reading.
ReplyDeleteThis is brilliant. I wish I crapped rubies!
ReplyDeleteThe voice is fun and has hints of humor in it. Plus, the premise is intriguing!
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