Wednesday, August 8, 2012

August First Line Grabber #26

TITLE: Issue 339
GENRE: YA



"Why would you kill off a superhero's fourth girlfriend--and his parents--like that?"

81 comments:

  1. Yes. Super heroes and relationship problems AND murder--I'm hooked.

    ReplyDelete
  2. No. I think the author was going for snarky, but the whole thing comes off a little convoluted.

    ReplyDelete
  3. YES! There's so much to wonder in here. Fourth girlfriend. His parents. And the 'that' part. It IS a little stoic. As if it's funny that three people are dead. But it's still catching.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yes. Could be fine tuned a bit. But it was still catchy.

    ReplyDelete
  5. No. Sentence is pretty hefty, and it feels like the reader is being addressed, which is jarring.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yes. The fourth girlfriend bit is funny.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Yes. I had been on the fence because it's a slightly awkward sentence, but I'm a sucker for anything that mentions the word superhero.

    ReplyDelete
  8. No, because I'm not sure who's speaking to whom--is one of them the superhero or a writer of a superhero comic book? Also, I'd rather see "that" them hear them talk about "that."

    ReplyDelete
  9. Yes. I want to know how they were killed, and why it's important to say it was the fourth girlfriend.

    ReplyDelete
  10. No. The fourth seems irrelevant and I don't like the em dash in the first sentence.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Yes. It raises questions, and combines several interesting topics-superheroes, girlfriends, murder- seamlessly.

    ReplyDelete
  12. No. Simply didn't interest me, and for no particular reason.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Yes. In my head it's a cafeteria-styled debate. I'd read more just to see what the context was.

    ReplyDelete
  14. YES. Is this a debate between two friends about a comic they read or a comic they're writing? I'm curious to know what they're talking about.

    ReplyDelete
  15. No. The idea is okay, but I'm not sure if it's suppose to be going. I want more grounding.

    ReplyDelete
  16. No. The superhero's fourth girlfriend, but then you say "his" - girl or boy? Confused.

    ReplyDelete
  17. No, sorry - it's a bit of a pet peeve for me when dialogue sums up information that the other person would already know.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Yes, because I love the line, especially since the "that" implies killing them so other way wouldn't have been quite so bad, but I'm honestly not sure it would be the best thing to open on.

    ReplyDelete
  19. No. "fourth girlfriend" doesn't intrigue me at all, if anything, it makes it all sound commonplace.

    ReplyDelete
  20. No. The line itself is okay, but I'm not a fan of it as an opener. There's too many people--too many people who are not the MC.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Yes. I want to know how they were killed, and how it compares to the way his previous three girlfriends were killed.

    ReplyDelete
  22. No. I had to read it several times to figure out what it meant. It probably works quite well in context, but we don't have context.

    ReplyDelete
  23. No, although it should, so let me think...I guess it's a little confusing? Not sure. This is one who definitely needs line two!

    ReplyDelete
  24. No. I guess I don't care about superheroes.

    ReplyDelete
  25. No. I had to read it a couple times, and I didn't really get it.

    ReplyDelete
  26. No. I feel like people don't speak with "--" in their sentences. I might like it better if it was in commas... but the dashes lose me.

    ReplyDelete
  27. No. I was confused as to why there was a significance to the fouth girlfriend and not the third. Can't go wrong with superheroes but it felt like too much.

    ReplyDelete
  28. No. I was confused why someone would bother to use 'fourth' to describe a girlfriend. Usually girlfriends are referred to as girlfriend or ex-girlfriend, without counting out the order.

    ReplyDelete
  29. No. I actually really like this lin, but don't like books that start with dialogue.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Yes. While the sentence needs work (I'd drop the parents part altogether) I like the voice here, the narrator being critical/disbelieving of something she's read and not accepting of the story line.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Yes. I agree with the above comment. Drop the parents.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Yes. This shows the interests of the speaking voice. It seems like casual dialogue.

    ReplyDelete
  33. No. Sounds like a kid reading a comic book more than an exciting plot development.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Yes. But depending on next lines might move on. Intrigued, but the call out on 'fourth girlfriend' bothers me. Player? Immature (has to count them)?

    ReplyDelete
  35. Yes. Talking about a fourth girlfriend grabbed me.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Yes, you had me at superhero. I'm wondering, tho, if fourth really needs to be there. Does it matter if it's fourth or second or fiftieth? At least, does it matter in the first sentence? Hope to see the next line.

    ReplyDelete
  37. No. To me, the dialogue feels forced, especially for a first sentence.

    ReplyDelete
  38. No, Why does it have to be his fourth girlfriend?

    ReplyDelete
  39. Yes. Admittedly, I'm hoping this is some side-kick trying to tell the super-villianous character that the scheme doesn't have to be that complicated/nefarious/weird.

    ReplyDelete
  40. No
    I think it should just open with the girlfriend or the parents. Both feels a little convoluted. Or maybe taking out the hyphens would make it flow better.

    ReplyDelete
  41. No. I'm not sure if this is meant to be humorous, (fourth girlfriend) or serious (parents). Either way attaching it to the serious idea of killing, doesn't sit right.

    ReplyDelete
  42. No, although I was on the fence. It was too confusing trying to figure out who "you" is.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Yes. I said no at first, but given the title and genre (not fantasy) I now get that someone is commenting on a comic book. Without the context it's hard to tell (not your fault since it's first lines only). I would keep reading for the comics angle.

    ReplyDelete
  44. No, not for me... I have a tough time starting with dialogue when it isn't clear who's speaking.

    ReplyDelete
  45. No. Starting with dialogue is not the best choice. Starting with a question is not the best choice. And starting with dialogue that poses a question is a double whammy. It also did not read as natural speech. Seemed forced and artifical.

    ReplyDelete
  46. No. Feels forced, like you're trying too hard for shock value.

    ReplyDelete
  47. No. This sounds like it needs a base for reference. Like this, it's confusing.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Yes. I like the fourth girlfriend detail - funny!

    ReplyDelete
  49. No. But I waffled on this, I'll be honest. It makes me wonder how they were killed, and why it was any worse than other ways to die, but "a superhero's fourth girlfriend" just sounds forced.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Yes, but only because I'm curious about the situation. I don't really like the dialogue start or the voice here.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Yes, must read until I at least find out like what?

    ReplyDelete
  52. Yes because I like superheroes, but I agree that the dialog feels forced.

    ReplyDelete
  53. No, squeezing in so much information it's feeling forced and unnatural

    ReplyDelete
  54. Yes. I want to know how they were killed off and why. And why does the superhero have a fourth girlfriend?

    ReplyDelete
  55. No. Somehow the sentence was too clunky, not smooth.

    ReplyDelete
  56. No. Don't like that it opens with a quote and we have no idea who's talking.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Yes. I want to know the "that."

    ReplyDelete
  58. No. Didn't grab my attention. I'm not sure I like opening a story with a question. Just my personal taste.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Yes. I got curious at the mention of superheros, and I'm wondering about the "fourth girlfriend" bit. However, it does have a problem with me not being sure how to read it in context-- who's saying it and how they are saying it.

    ReplyDelete
  60. yes. it's very clear what the conflict will be about without being cryptic and gimmick-y

    ReplyDelete
  61. No. The dialogue does nothing for me.

    ReplyDelete
  62. No. While I like superheroes, this just confuses me. Who is talking? Am I supposed to like the superhero? Be sad? There are so many different ways to slant this statement I'm almost guaranteed to have to come back and reread it later to insert appropriate nuance.

    ReplyDelete
  63. No. I feel like it belongs in "Drop the needle" not an opening line. I'm lost.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Yes, but just barely. It makes me intrigued but can definitely be more fine tuned.

    ReplyDelete
  65. No. I find it hard to follow.

    ReplyDelete
  66. No.

    I appreciated the attempt at a humorous voice, but I'm not sure why "fourth" girlfriend was important or how she's gets top billing but the superhero's parents only get an aside. I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to be giving importance to in this sentence.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Yes. I wnat to know why the 'fourth' girlfriend.

    ReplyDelete
  68. No. I keep reading the "his" parents as the girlfriend's parents, which I know is wrong. A direct statement of what happened might be more effective.

    ReplyDelete
  69. No. Sounds too forced and convoluted

    ReplyDelete
  70. No, fourth girlfriend threw me off. No a huge fan of floating dialogue either.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Yes. Superheroes, humor, and murder. This is going to get good!

    ReplyDelete
  72. No. Dialogue with no connection.

    ReplyDelete
  73. No, just doesn't do it for me.

    ReplyDelete