GENRE: Adult Contemporary
This is my first funeral.
Glass half-full, it’s not mine.
Glass half-empty, I killed the guest of honor.
Obliterated may be a better description.
But here I stand. Thirty-six with two kids even Satan wouldn’t admit to fathering, squeezed into size fourteen pants riding so far up my a** they should come with a complimentary canary to certify the air is breathable. The sweat rolling off my body like a high-speed assembly line isn’t helping.
My hips beg for a sixteen.
Who am I kidding? Eighteen.
I should consider myself lucky I’m not being fit for an orange prison jumpsuit.