TITLE: Sea Scope
GENRE: Adult Psychological Thriller
Glen and I were at the lighthouse by Sea Scope. Even though part of me knew I was dreaming a scene from my childhood, I watchedmy ten-year-old self and my brother. My hair was drawn into a ponytail, and I wore scuffed sneakers and a Cinderella t-shirt that clung to mysmall but budding breasts. I followed eight-year-old Glen who was wearing jeans and a Mickey Mouse shirt, into the shadowy interior of the castle-like structure.
I looked up at the winding stairway that seemed to lead to infinity but was actually 167 steps to the gallery outside the glass-enclosed Lantern Room, according to Michael, a college student visiting the inn that summer. Michael, who was studying lighthouses and their history, also told us the lighthouse was 132 feet high.
Glen was already a few steps up. “What are you waiting for Sarah? Let’s race to the top.”
I felt the iron steps under the soles of my sneakers. It was cooler in the lighthouse than outside on this ninety-five degree July day. There was no calendar in my dream, but I knew the date. I’d dream about it for years until Glen suggested I see his psychology professor who also had his own practice. Talking about the dream did nothing to eradicate it because it wasn’t a dream. It was the memory of the terrible thing that happened that summer nearly twenty years ago.
Beginning with a dream is a bit risky since it's a common trope. If you do start with the dream, I'd suggest immersing the narrator in it a bit more. People dreaming are rarely self-aware of it. Also, given that this is a horrible memory, she might not be so matter-of-fact about experiencing it.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Katherine that starting with a dream probably isn't a super solid beginning. I want to know her a bit before the dream. I also felt there was a little too much description about what the mc and her brother were wearing in the beginning. I really like how you describe the cooler temp of the lighthouse compared to the heat of the day. Would also love to know how it smells and any sounds/echoes inside. I hope this helps. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks. I actually changed the beginning because I thought it would make it more intriguing. I've had dreams when I was aware I was dreaming. She states she knows it's more of a memory than a dream, so she's probably in a semi-wakeful state. Thanks for the feedback.
ReplyDeleteYou've done a good job establishing setting here and giving a sense of place. I can get a feel for where she is.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the comments of opening with a memory/dream. I found myself wanting to know where she is now, then maybe peppering in that memory as it connects to the present.
It gave me pause that she reflected on her small but budding breasts. I wanted more of an emotional sense of the memory as opposed to a reflection on her prior physical state.
Good luck!
I agree that the setting is very clear. I am wanting more emotional information, though, especially if this is a memory that haunts her so many years later that she talks to a therapist about it. Are we supposed to feel afraid or sad for the mc? Both? What are her reactions to the sights, sounds, and smells around her? And how does she feel about them? Why does she think she continues to process this memory over and over, and what, if anything, does she want to do about it?
ReplyDeleteHope this helps.
I realize this is a memory and not a dream, but it's written as if it is. And then, we're not seeing her experience the memory. We're listening to her tell us about it.
ReplyDeleteThink about what happened on the page. A woman remembered. Not compelling. You haven't given us story. You've given us a woman talking.
Perhaps rewrite. Put her somewhere, doing something, and then something triggers the memory. And then show it in a flashback from her pov as a child, not as how the adult her remembers it, that way we see it in real time, and you eliminate the dreaded starting with a dream thing. Just a thought.
That's actually what I did initially, Barbara, but it didn't happen until Chapter 2, so I thought it would be better to start that way. I guess it wasn't. As far as flashbacks from her POV as a child, I do that later in the book. I alternate chapters from what's happening to her in the present upon her return to Sea Scope to what happened to her there 20 years ago and build up to her finding out what really happened and its influence on her present situation which endangers her.
DeleteI felt like this could be started at another place. This is just a memory rather than events that are happening to the character right then and now. Maybe you could start with her in a session with the psychologist and go from there. Thanks for entering!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your feedback. In my initial version, I had it start with her receiving an invite to the inn from her aunt. Do you think that would work?
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