Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Pitch for the Win #33 - YA Fantasy

GENRE: YA Fantasy

Elwyn’s magic burns down her beloved magical woodlands in the faerieland, Elhaim. An irritatingly handsome half-fae sullenly agrees to help her control the magic and restore the forest. He brings her to his island and she realizes soon after that it wasn’t a coincidence she met him.


  1. So close! I wonder about changing a few things, like "When Elwyn's out of control magic accidentally burns down her beloved magical woodlands, an irritatingly hot half-fae grudgingly agrees to help her control her magic and restore the forest. He brings her to his island, where she realizes their meeting wasn't a coincidence and her faerieland might now be in jeopardy..." or whatever dark secret he possess. Sounds like a good read!

  2. My issue is that I don't know what happens. You've shared a strong inviting incident, but no overall plot pitch that engages me.

  3. I like it up until the last when I need to know WHY it wasn't a coincidence. That's where the stakes lie.

  4. This is pretty strong. I like Dj’s suggestion and agree with the others that the “coincidence” is maybe too vague. Even a hint at whether going to the island is a good thing or a bad thing to give an indication of the direction this story is going — romance, war, destiny?

  5. Small thing, but I'd drop "Elhaim." It's not needed, and it's easier to understand short pitches with fewer fantasy words.

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