TITLE: A Hidden Grave
GENRE: Adult Historical Fiction
In the stark Spanish countryside, two missing graves confront a lonely taciturn man in his fifties and his 13-year-old American great-nephew. When the boy learns his great-grandparents aren’t resting in the local cemetery, he starts asking questions stirring more than the great-uncle’s solitary life and bringing back the night his parents abandoned him. But asking about the past comes with a price in 1976 when fear and distrust from the former military dictatorship is still present.
I like the concept of a family mystery. Some sections of the pitch do seem unnecessarily wordy. Maybe give us the entire setting to start with -- Spanish countryside, 1976 -- and then continue with "when a 13-year-old American learns..." That's where the hook really begins. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI agree that it starts with when so and so learns, but this is a story about so and so. Give us his name. The structure you want to follow is: "When 13-year-old John Doe discovers this, he does this, only to discover/never dreaming/whatever your wording the consequences would be this. And of course, blend in setting and word count.
ReplyDeleteI concur with other comments - get into the heart of it faster and save some precious words to allow for a more incisive hint about the trajectory the boy is heading on in this place of fear and distrust.
ReplyDelete