With the Stingray invasion escalating, fighter pilot Juniper Crew must decide between becoming a Legacy and avenging her past, or defending the people she swore to protect and saving her future
This has all the correct elements, but I think it's missing details because I'm not sure what's happening in your story. Is the Stingray invasion from the sea? Is it an alien invasion? Are they a baseball team? I'm also not sure what you mean by becoming a Legacy, but it's capitalized and obviously important. I think we need a tad of world-building/grounding here.
Good for a short twitter pitch, but there’s room to add a few more details. What does becoming a Legacy involve? Must she infiltrate the enemy, or lead a suicide mission, or fly faster than any human has ever done before? What is the cost of becoming a Legacy? Death or fame or something else that prevents her from saving her future. On the other hand, how is becoming a Legacy the opposite of defending her people? During an invasion it seems like it would be the same. Unless becoming a Legacy means becoming the enemy?
Questions are great. But too many can result in confusion. I suspect clearing up what being a Legacy means will make the stakes crystal clear. Good luck.
The pitch is lacking in specific details and does not elude to an audience. If this is YA, maybe state, Sixteen-year-old... Or something like that. But when revising, remember to be intentional with every word. Make the words punch the reader in the gut. You have all of the elements, now add the specific detail. Good luck!
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This has all the correct elements, but I think it's missing details because I'm not sure what's happening in your story. Is the Stingray invasion from the sea? Is it an alien invasion? Are they a baseball team? I'm also not sure what you mean by becoming a Legacy, but it's capitalized and obviously important. I think we need a tad of world-building/grounding here.
ReplyDeleteGood for a short twitter pitch, but there’s room to add a few more details. What does becoming a Legacy involve? Must she infiltrate the enemy, or lead a suicide mission, or fly faster than any human has ever done before? What is the cost of becoming a Legacy? Death or fame or something else that prevents her from saving her future. On the other hand, how is becoming a Legacy the opposite of defending her people? During an invasion it seems like it would be the same. Unless becoming a Legacy means becoming the enemy?
ReplyDeleteQuestions are great. But too many can result in confusion. I suspect clearing up what being a Legacy means will make the stakes crystal clear. Good luck.
The pitch is lacking in specific details and does not elude to an audience. If this is YA, maybe state, Sixteen-year-old... Or something like that. But when revising, remember to be intentional with every word. Make the words punch the reader in the gut. You have all of the elements, now add the specific detail. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteWe offer financial assistance services to all individuals around the world.
ReplyDeletePlease, contact us if you are in need:
E-mail: info@creditfinance-bank.com
Whatsapp number: +33784505888
Website: https://www.creditfinance-bank.com