TITLE: LETHAL IMPULSE
GENRE: Adult Suspense
While guilt plagues former NYPD Detective Neil Caldera after a bullet from his weapon kills a young woman, a killer murders a teen girl and paints his likeness in blood at the scene. After she strikes again, police discover evidence in Neil’s home. The killer fuels Neil’s dilemma when she kidnaps his niece. Teamed with his police-sergeant girlfriend, Neil strives to catch the woman, clear his name, and free his guilt-ridden mind.
Love the premise, but I think this pitch can get tighter. Perhaps keeping the "killer" more vague rather than assigning the pronoun. Lastly, did he shoot and kill the young woman that prompts his guilt or was his weapon was used in the murder/accident. Perhaps state it directly so we can empathize with the guy. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThis to me, reads more like a synopsis than a pitch. I would start it off something like, 'When a series of unfortunate events cast bad light--and implicates him in a murder--on former NYPD detective, Neil Caldera, he must team up with his police sergeant girlfriend to catch the person who committed the murder and framed him. But first, he must rescue his niece when she's kidnapped by the real killer.' Something like that. It's only my opinion, though. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like an interesting story, but I agree with the comment above that it does sound a little more like a synopsis than a pitch. I think you could take out some of the details about how she framed him to make it more punchy.
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