TITLE: GHOST RIVER
GENRE: Adult Paranormal Mystery
Downsized and jilted, Veronica jumps at an offer to housesit and recuperate. But the house is haunted and a friend is framed for murder, so Veronica works to clear him with the help of an annoyingly hot but unavailable man and the ghostly housemates. In-between fighting her feelings, her morals, and the hot guy’s advances, Veronica wrangles unhappy spirits and traverses underground tunnels to find the killer, unaware the killer wants to find her first.
This sounds marvelous with only one question. If he's unavailable, why is he hitting on her? If by unavailable, you mean married, you might want to say that. Or use, "ethically challenged" or some such. LOL But nice pitch.
ReplyDeleteFun pitch and I have a good sense of what the story is about. The only suggestion I have is maybe tighten up some of the sentences so you can add some voice. Fighting her feelings and morals covers any advances fromthe hot guy, for example.
ReplyDeleteThe second sentence is complicated. Since you mention "ghostly housemates," you don't need "the house is haunted." The last sentence from "Victoria" on, is extremely tight and well-written. You might find a way to re-do the first part of that sentence to tell us what moral dilemma she has.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your excellent comments! I personally wrestled with the "unavailable" dilemma, because when Veronica finds out through a third party the hot guy's engaged but never mentions it, and still comes on to her yet seems like a decent guy despite it is part of the story, along with Veronica being fresh off a broken engagement with a cheating louse. So is it a spoiler or something I should admit up front? Better minds than mine will have to decide!
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you, Bonnie, for pointing out another one of my wrestling matches (you think I'd be in better shape, what with all this wrestling!) I changed that part multiple times, but I have an affinity for alliteration and flow. Blame it on my background in sales and writing catchy phrases (I would have excelled in writing annoying advertising jingles). I thought about tightening it up and adding one more detail about Veronica, that she's dealing with the beginnings of peri-menopause. I didn't know if that would sink me and scare away any readers under 40, or attract readers who are tired of forever young, model-perfect heroines and think us mid-life-crisis-sex-symbols deserve more attention! (Smiley face emoji!)
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