Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Pitch for the Win #34 - YA Mystery

TITLE: Being More than OCD
GENRE: YA Mystery

When OCD Jenna attends a film site, she interrupts the director's murder. He picks her to star opposite his gorgeous son in his new film. She must become a dynamite actor before the murderer returns and ruins her and her film debut.


  1. Referring to her as 'OCD Jenna' sounds more like a title, like 'Lord' or 'star soccer player.' How does having OCD affect the plot? So far, it feels tacked on. "Despite her OCD causing/preventing x, Jenna..." would tie it together more.

  2. Naming OCD doesn't seem related to plot that sounds like a typical mystery television plotline? Find your uniqueness.

  3. Agree about the OCD--not seeing how it connects. I'm also confused. I thought she walked in on the director murdering someone. Is he casting her in the lead to keep her quiet? But then you say before the murderer returns. Now I don't know who the murderer is. Can you clarify?

  4. I thought at first the Director was filming a murder and she interrupted the scene. But when I read the line about her getting a part I realized she must’ve prevented the Director from being murdered. Neat premise on a way to get an acting gig. But then I was confused about stakes. Wouldn’t the murderer be after the Director and not the new actress? Maybe clarify why Jenna is now the one at risk of being killed.

  5. I have a lot of questions about this pitch. I agree, if OCD is related to Jenna and the plot, we should see or not mention. I also thought she interrupted the director murdering someone and that's why she got the part. Also, I think that there is a more technical term for "film site" that you could use, "on set"? I'm not sure. I wonder why the murderer is going to return? Why did she get the role if she's not a good actress?

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