TITLE: HEAVEN AND HELL ALIKE
GENRE: Paranormal Fantasy
Dear Authoress,
When God goes AWOL, the race to take over the throne causes the righteous demon Liam to become more than an amused bystander. The lead contender is Liam's sworn enemy, the archangel Gabriel, whose tactics are far from angelic.
Liam was satisfied to travel the Midwest on his motorcycle, secretly saving more souls than he condemned, while Gabriel threw rejected-child tantrums. He was beginning to suspect the archangel was the outcast of his heavenly family less because he wore Liam's demonic mark across his chest, a gift from their last battle, and more a result of Gabriel's annoying personality. Holding a grudge against Liam for over a century was proof of that.
If Gabriel makes a real grab for power, everything Liam holds dear is at risk: his position, his life, but most importantly, his centuries-old, hidden relationship with the angel Mikael. The positive influence Mikael's had upon Liam's morals will mean nothing if they're found out.
Determined to use Liam's dead body as a stepping stone to the throne, Gabriel's chosen soldier for the task will be trained by the best teacher in Heaven—Mikael. As Liam watches Mikael struggle to decide how far he can go to protect his lover while also serving Heaven, Liam must save him from having to make the choice. Their relationship has weathered many threats, but this one might destroy them from the inside out.
Yes! The concept intrigues me, and I am a sucker for angel/demon pairings (and this one sounds particularly interesting.)
ReplyDeleteNo. I couldn't understand how several things in your query related to each other, particularly the second paragraph, so I'd pass.
ReplyDeleteNo. The scope of the idea seems epic, but the plot does not.
ReplyDeleteNo, while there are many things to like about this query: the voice, God going AWOL and angels in secret homosexual relationships with demons; it took me three reads to pull some of that out of there.
ReplyDeleteNo. I like the concept, but there's too much going on for me to focus on the heart of the story.
ReplyDeleteNo. I really like your concept--once I finally got it--but there was a lot crammed into this letter, and it was hard to follow.
ReplyDeleteNO. I found the plot too confusing to follow.
ReplyDeleteNo. Angels and demons are overdone.
ReplyDeleteNo. I like the concept but the query lacked focus.
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteI liked the premise and the tough-choices in the relationship aspect, but I would have stopped reading as soon as I started that ranty, info-dump second paragraph; all I need to know upfront is that Gabriel is his nemesis.
No. You lost me at homosexual angels.
ReplyDeleteYES, you may need to work even more on the query to make it stand out amongst many angel/demon stories, but you're on the right track.
ReplyDeleteNo. Putting aside the fact angels/demons are overdone, your worldbuilding isn't working for me. You're using a Judeo-Christian structure (God, Gabriel, etc.) w/o honoring its traditions. If you want to go supernatural, create your own world/mythos.
ReplyDeleteNo. Confusing and the main arc seems to belong to a secondary character.
ReplyDeleteYes, but only b/c I find the premise intriguing and the voice fun. Work on making this query more streamlined and unique.
ReplyDeleteNo. Nothing stands out, making it yet another angel-drama or Heaven-drama.
ReplyDeleteNO
ReplyDeletethe query felt jumbled to me and i had a hard time following the plot
YES- Intriguing concepts with characters we feel we know.
ReplyDeleteNo, too much detail I fear only the author will find interesting has found its way into this query. I worry the same thing would be found in the novel.
ReplyDeleteYes. It sounds funny and it's new. I will admit that at first I was thinking, "Oh no, another demon book," but the author has turned expectations around. Great twist.
ReplyDeleteNo. Angels and demons don’t bother me, neither does the fact you’re added homosexuality to it (though I find it a little odd, I’ve seen it done before), but I agree with the majority, there’s not enough here to make it different.
ReplyDeleteNo - The description of Gabriel as annoying makes it sound like it's going to be full of highschool drama.
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteFirst they're sworn enemies but it's because someone's annoying and throwing tantrums, but they've been in a battle that's left the bratty one scarred but it's silly to hold a grudge?
Those are contradictory pictures, either they're annoying each other and holding childish grudges or they're out to kill and maim each other and are bitter enemies. I don't get it.
And the backstory went on so long it felt like Mikael and the forbidden love was just an afterthought and left little impression on me.
No.
ReplyDeleteThough I do like the tone here, there is some snarky humor, it doesn't overcome a feeling of the story being a little too melodramatic for me.
Yes because I like the sound of the premise, but I think overall it needs some tightening.
ReplyDeleteNo. I found this query confusing. I had to re-read a couple sentences to understand them.
ReplyDeleteYes. But it wasn't a strong yes. Intrigued enough to read more, but when you're writing angels and demons, you're research has to be spot on.
ReplyDeleteNo. I didn't get a clear sense of who I was meant to care about, Liam or Gabriel, and the query felt like I would be reading both of their perspectives.
ReplyDeleteNo. You lost me at 'taking over the throne' of God. Like a microbe trying to construct an MRI, times infinity.
ReplyDeleteNO. I'm not really connecting with any of the characters, possibly because the existing characters I know for God and Gabriel don't fit these.
ReplyDeleteNo. Confused by the scattered plot lines. It has potential if you separate it out from the Judeo-Christian mythos and create your own world/characters/rules.
ReplyDeleteNo
ReplyDeleteInteresting story, but the blurb here is too convulted to grab the reader.
No. I'm not getting any sense for the characters or what Liam really is in the whole scheme of things from the query.
ReplyDeleteNo, because I don't care.
ReplyDelete