TITLE: ONE STEP FORWARD
GENRE: YA Paranomal
Dear Agent,
There’s a thin line between love and hate – even when it comes to guardian angels.
In the five years since her dad died, LeeAnne has learned to stick with what she knows: school, piano and afternoon runs with her best friend, Glen. That way she doesn’t have to deal with the harder stuff, like what happened to her dad after he died or why she should forgive the drunk driver that killed him.
Then Kellan shows up.
Of course he’s gorgeous—what angel wouldn’t be?—and he answers all her plaguing questions. That’s an irresistible combination, and maybe it’s crazy, but she can’t help falling for him. Too soon, though, the dream she’s living becomes a nightmare when she learns the reason Kellan is assigned as her guardian: before his life as an angel, he was the drunk driver.
Life gets even more complicated when LeeAnne turns to Glen for help in picking up the pieces of her broken heart and life. As she clings to his stability, she suddenly sees him as more than just the friend she's grown up with. Leaning on his strength, she must choose whether to rebuild the fortress around her heart, this time strong enough never to be hurt again, or to somehow find the courage to let go of the past and embrace the freedom forgiveness can bring.
YES. This sounds so interesting, the perfect blend of paranormal and inner conflict!
ReplyDelete~Sarah F.
No. This is a little too cliche-laden for my tastes and feels familiar.
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteI wish you'd mentioned more about Glen earlier so you could end on this awesome hook "before his life as an angel, he was the drunk driver."
No.
ReplyDeleteAlmost a yes but then too much focus on her unique need to rebuild (sounds selfish and self-centered) when that presupposes that she is the only one damaged and I think it would be more interesting if both Glen and Kellan also had secret or hidden pains but are dealing with them in different ways.
No. While I like the hook of Kellan being the drunk driver who killed LeeAnne's father, I think there's an oversaturation of angel books and love triangles in the market.
ReplyDeleteNo. I don't really see the MC actually doing anything other than running to other people around her who are strong enough to do something.
ReplyDeleteNo. Agree about oversaturation of angel books.
ReplyDeleteNo. The premise makes for an interesting twist, but LeeAnne doesn't seem like a very proactive character.
ReplyDeleteNo. I'm not getting a strong sense of conflict or character.
ReplyDeleteNO. It sounds too introspective with not enough plot actually going on.
ReplyDeleteYes. For one reason and one reason only: I love the idea that Kellan was the drunk driver before he became her guardian angel, and am totally hooked by the idea.
ReplyDeleteYes. I wavered on this one because guardian angels are a bit overdone but I went with yes because her love choice isn't the guardian angel.
ReplyDeleteNo. Too many cliches, both in story and the actual query-writing.
ReplyDeleteNo. The MC sounds too superficial in falling for an angel because he's pretty and then suddenly wanting a relationship with her best friend when the angel one doesn't work out.
ReplyDeleteNo. This doesn't stand out from an over-saturated market of guardian angel stories.
ReplyDeleteYES I love it. Would read it in a heartbeat!
ReplyDeleteNO, the first line is too cliche to draw me. I also wonder what is unique about this story. Find the unique quality and bring it closer to the beginning of the query.
ReplyDeleteNo. This sounds like a lot of complications and not enough actual conflict.
ReplyDeleteYes. The voice is distinct, the concept interesting.
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteI agree that Angels are a hard sell right now, but mostly, I'm confused about the main conflict and whether her choice is between loving Glen or loving Kellan or just between loving or not loving Glen.
Yes. This is not a genre I usually read, but I like the writing.
ReplyDeleteYES
ReplyDeleteThough angel stories have been done to death, i think the query was well written and i would give the MS a shot
No, Other than deciding who to love I'm not sure where the conflict is (what would keep her from loving one of them)
ReplyDeleteYes- I'd like to see more of the conflict between the protagonist and her guardian angel.
ReplyDeleteYES. I found the idea of the "perfect" angel having a terribly flawed past intriguing.
ReplyDeleteNo. It's not just the angel thing, but also the love triangle thing - they're both overdone right now. Really well-written query, though.
ReplyDeleteYes! Great twist with Kellan, seems like a great story.
ReplyDeleteNo. Almost got me with the whole Kellan being the drunk driver, which alludes to a bit of redemption going on, but the whole romance deal seems a little strained and, as others have said, overdone.
ReplyDeleteNo - While I like the premise, I have a hard time imagining what could fill the pages of a novel with no conflict outside of the romance/forgiveness angle.
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteLove the premise, though the last paragraph gives me pause -- I worry the narrative goes a bit off the rails with an emo love triangle. Regardless, would read on strength of premise and strong writing in the query.
Yes, I liked the concept.
ReplyDeleteNo. The query letter is well-written, but like others have posted, this story is overdone. The whole paranormal love triangle - otherwordly things, such as angels. Also, I couldn't get past the whole thing with Kellan being a drunk driver and getting to then be LeeAnne's guardian angel. Does that mean she didn't have a guardian angel before Kellan? Sorry, the story just seems too overdone and with too many holes.
ReplyDeleteYes - while I agree angel stories are everywhere in YA, I like the twist with the guardian as the one who killed her father. Moving this up in the query and editing out filler lines will help this query stand out a little better.
ReplyDeleteNo. I feel that if you are marketing this as a paranormal it needs higher stakes than whether or not your MC is going to forigve and move on from her past.
ReplyDeleteYes. Love the Kellan twist. Not sure if this is a triangle, though.
ReplyDeleteYes. The query worked and the Kellan twists makes it interesting, but my only concern is to what purpose is Kellan her guardian angel.
ReplyDeleteNo. I want to read the book about Kellan, not LeeAnne.
ReplyDeleteNO. Her choice at the end isn't really a choice; what are the stakes?
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteIs the story with Kellan/forgiveness the main conflict? What's the deal with Glen if that's the case? Is it basically a love triangle then?
No. A bit cliche and I'm not seeing the stakes.
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteMy only suggestion would be to move the bit about Kellan being the drunk driver to the end- it's a great hook.
No, but it was a tough call. I LOVE the twist about Kellan being the drunk-driver, but other than that there's not much to keep me interested. Also, the "of course he's gorgeous" line made me groan. It'd be way more interesting to me if, for once, the angel wasn't gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteYes. But agree with above, get rid of the gorgeous part and move the twist with the drunk driver up sooner, because I was just about ready to check out when I read that and also the last lines could be more original.
ReplyDeleteLeaning towards Yes simply because I love the premise of the angel who must be forgiven.
ReplyDelete