Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Pitch for the Win #24 - YA Mystery

TITLE: Wish I Was Here
GENRE: YA Mystery

When Ana’s genius best friend Isaac hands her a pill he made that will turn her invisible, she swallows it to avoid being kidnapped along with him. Now she must rescue him before he’s forced to create another pill for the highest evil bidder. If she doesn’t find him for the antidote within a week, she’ll remain invisible forever.

7 comments:

  1. So, this is a fantasy mystery and sounds more MG than YA. But I like the concept. I wish the stakes were different. Maybe if she becomes invisible forever, she won't be able to go to prom and dance with her dream boy or maybe she won't be able to graduate and have a life. Maybe refocus the stakes? I'm not sure about a genius who creates something that dramatic and doesn't have a backup. If you're smart enough to create an invisible pill, then you're smart enough to think about the consequences. Maybe he is carrying the antidote on himself or hid the antidote in a safe or something? Why does she need to become invisible in the first place? What are the stakes here? She wanted to become invisible because.... That said, this intrigues me enough to make me want to read the story. Maybe a little tweaking would help the blurb to get pitch perfect :)

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    Replies
    1. Though it does say she swallows the pill "to avoid being kidnapped along with him."

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  2. Agree with the above, especially creating some interesting "losses" if she can't reverse the pill. There are very interesting notes here to continue to work. I wish you luck as you move forward.

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  3. Did not read above til later. 1st thought, Age of protagonist. Could you use potion instead of pill? The 'pills' made me nervous. Its confusing as an elevator pitch.

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  4. So, I really like this. I like books where magic and science meet. I also like the name. It's very clever. I think you can add more to the stakes to make it even more hard-hitting. Because being invisible forever, some people already feel that way. I'd only add the adverse consequences of being invisible forever, and the effect of which, either physically, emotionally, mentally, etc, could hinder Ana moving forward. Could invisibility for long periods kill her? Drive her insane? I'd want to know! :)

    Overall, very intriguing. Best wishes to you!

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