TITLE: Can't Buy Me Love
GENRE: Commercial upper middle grade
Is it totally wrong to be jealous of someone else’s coffin? I mean, it’s not like I have a death wish or anything, seeing as how I am only thirteen, but my great-aunt’s casket is seriously blinged out. It has actual diamonds in the handles. When my time’s up, I definitely wouldn’t mind flaming out movie-star-style, like Aunt Glinda.
Maybe if I’d ever laid eyes on her before this very second, I might be more into paying my respects instead of calculating carats, but until two days ago, I didn’t even know I had an Aunt Glinda. Dad says if Gran was alive, it’s entirely possible we wouldn’t even have been allowed to come to the funeral.
“Marnie, please move it along,” hisses Mom, under her breath.
Whoops! I realize I’ve been standing over Aunt Glinda’s casket for like two whole minutes and there’s a line of people backed up behind me.
“Sorry,” I whisper and speed-walk back to our pew.
It’s a little hard to get worked up for a stranger-relative, but from all the nice things everyone is saying about Aunt Glinda, it sounds like she was pretty cool. And RICH! Wow, do those diamonds catch the lights, especially with the sun coming through the stained glass windows. There are beams of color flying all over the place, like when Mr. Martin goes crazy with his laser pointer. He so does not get that pointing a red dot at Lincoln’s nostril does not make the Civil War more interesting.