TITLE: Cooper Watson and the Day that Almost Wasn't
If you didn’t know him, you might describe Cooper as small. He lived in a small town, attended a small school, and he was quite a bit small for his age.
But Cooper’s friends would never call him small because he had big ideas, big plans, and got big results. Eventually.
As Coop’s best friend, I played a part in that success. Or at least I liked to think I did.
“Groups of three, groups of three,” Mrs. Andrews called over the hubbub of our fourth grade classroom.
Kids clustered in groups of four, five, and even a few pairs. No one had yet to manage a group of three. The prissy headband girls looked like they might cry. How could the four of them ever split up?
“Okay, freeze,” Mrs. Andrews said and turned off the light.
We all froze in our places. Coop and I sat together at a table with three of our friends.
“Each group must have at least one boy and at least one girl, and if you don’t have your groups decided in two minutes, I will decide them for you.” She looked at her watch. “Starting....now,” she said.
When Mrs. Andrews flicked on the light, the class sprung back to life.
I like the small, small, small, big, big, big bit at the beginning - nice writing. But I think I like the end of this snippet better than the beginning. I want to know more about the narrator & what he wants, rather than his best friend - at least at the start. I love the part at the end about finding groups. I'd turn the page to see what happens next. Good luck!ReplyDelete
Nice job. :) Coop sounds interesting.ReplyDelete
I don't know the main character's name yet.
It sounds like it is going to be a fun mg novel.
I like the POV--of a narrator looking, with some envy and awe, at a his best friend. Also love the "prissy headband girls." Can see this book being snatched up by a boy--esp. a reluctant reader.ReplyDelete
Well written, I'd definitely read on!ReplyDelete
I stumbled over the first sentence. If I didn't know him, I wouldn't know what he looked like, let alone that he was small. I think you mean if I didn't know what he was like inside, but small is a description of his physical so I had to pause to work it out. I enjoyed the rest of the classroom scene and the subtle dynamics you created.ReplyDelete
I love the title!ReplyDelete
I stumbled just a bit at the beginning. If I didn't know him, why would I describe him as small?
I wonder what would happen if you started with the second sentence then said, "If you didn't know him well, you'd describe him as small."
I love how the headband girls can't figure it out.
I think you've got something really adorable here - just a few small things to work out.
I agree with the above comments. To me, the first paragraph reminds me of a grown man looking back on his life, then it goes into the story. Sort of like Stand by me.ReplyDelete
It's cute though:) I'd read on.
I disagree with the first line comments, I think you can see someone and tell they are small, but still not know them and their big personality. But I also agree with the last comment that it sounds like a grown up looking back on his life.ReplyDelete
The prissy headband girls were may favorite line. But so far I know little about your MC. I know he thinks he played a part of Coop's success and I like the headband girls. These are great details, but to start, I'd prefer getting to know more about him. How does he play a part in the success of his best friend? Does he like that his friend is so successful, or is he resentful?
Love the first section.. love the prissy headband girls. Sounds like a great beginning. I would read more.ReplyDelete
Great voice! Would read more--got the feeling the narrator and Coop are going to get separated and it's going to be trouble :)ReplyDelete
Hmmm. interesting. I like it. I'm very intrigued by this Cooper character and I love this beginning It's very true to reality. I love this line: "The prissy headband girls looked like they might cry. How could the four of them ever split up?" Very funny and very true.ReplyDelete
I don't have much else to say, as an agent I'd definitely keep reading. Tight writing and great voice.