Thursday, November 19, 2015

OTB Logline Critique #5

TITLE: This World In Gray
GENRE: YA - Contemporary

Lacey and Grace are twins who share more than looks, they share a soul. When Grace dies, Lacey doesn’t know who she is anymore, she can't see past the grief, isn't sure she wants to live without her. When she finds the letters Grace left her, leading her on an adventure, it might just save Lacey's life.


  1. The goal incited here is a little vague. Is the whole point of the story for her to decide if she wants to live? If so, it's hard to engage with a plot that is entirely based on a single decision. The obstacles would have to make that decision more difficult. If that's the case, we need to see why this adventure will do that.

    Good luck!

  2. I like the concept of one twin helping another from beyond the grave. However, with so little space to grab my attention, I think the focus is in the wrong place. There is a lot of verbiage used on Lacey's grief that feels redundant, but very little spent on the life-saving adventure I suspect is the bulk of the novel.

  3. The premise sounds interesting. But the wording at the end sort of makes it sound like the ending of the book isn't fully determined yet. Will it save her life, and how?

  4. I can't tell what type of book this will be. Is there a mystery to solve regarding her twin's death that the clues lead her on? Or is the plot an internal struggle to chose to live after her twin died? Those stories would attract very different audiences. Perhaps knowing how Grace died would help - murder, suicide, illness, accident?

  5. Highly intrigued by the premise. Would like to know more about the goal/quest.

  6. I love the fact that you focused on the character arc and I think this story sounds very original. I'm definitely intrigued by the soul part unless this is not used literally. I interpreted the sharing of one soul as literal, and that's where resides the originality, but now I'm wondering if you meant something else. If I'm right, I wonder how it feels like to share one soul with someone else? What does that mean if one dies? How can one twin live without a soul or with half a soul? What is a soul for you? Do they go to the same place after death and how is it decided? What adventure are we talking about here?

  7. I always like stories about twins. Sorry to hear that one is dead though. But the story has legs.

    I would eliminate "doesn't know who she is anymore." Affected by grief and the possibility of suicide (sad, but grief is a strange thing) seems plausible.

    I'm not sure about the word, "adventure," though. The story seems like a difficult, serious journey for Lacy, but an adventure sounds almost jovial.

    All in all, I think it's something I would read. Good job.