Wednesday, August 17, 2011

August Secret Agent Contest #5

TITLE: Fall for Grace
GENRE: Contemporary YA

I head down the walkway to the United Airlines plane, trading my new glasses for the ugly white, dirt cheap sunglasses (seriously -- my mom got them from The Dollar Store) stashed in my pocket. Wasn't planning on wearing shades on the plane, but it would suck big time if I blew my cover now.
I settle into the window seat in row 27 -- last time I sat back with the nobodies I actually was a nobody -- and flick my hair over my shoulder out of habit. Only my hand connects with air, not hair. My signature uber-long chocolate locks -- no, I don't think of my hair that way. That's how the media describes it -- got chopped off three days ago. I'm still having a hard time remembering it's only shoulder-length.
My flight neighbors soon arrive -- a couple my parents' age. They throw me vague smiles and the wife plunks her ample derriere down beside me. Don't seem the nosy sort but I feel anxious. Point at my sunglasses and say, "Just had eye surgery."

"Ohhh!" says the wife. "The light hurts your eyes, honey?"

"Um, no. But the doctor said it was best to keep these on for another week or so."

Both nod as if to say, Of course. They probably always do what the doctor says. Too bad they most likely live in some Podunk town with no plastic surgeon in sight or else the wife's rear end would surely have been liposuctioned by now.


  1. I take it we are not supposed to like the narrator?
    So far I'm not sympathetic to her, and I need to know more about the reasons for her "cover" to be intrigued by someone who seems just mean.

  2. Oh, I'd read on. Maybe I don't like her but I'm certainly intrigued. Nice details and the sunglasses thing is nicely done--also, nice voice.

  3. I, too, was interested by the not wanting to blow her cover. This alone makes me want to read more. At this point I don't really like the MC, but I want to know more about her. The voice is good, but I'm not sure all the dashes in the second paragraph are necessary. There's one in every sentence and it becomes a little distracting. Other than that, great start.

  4. I like the voice of the narrator and I'm curious about the disguise and her transformation. I would read more.

  5. I wish I knew just a bit about what she's running from so that I can sympathize a little bit. Right now I don't like her enough to keep going, but it would be easy to add a little more mystery to whet the appetite (so to speak). Good luck!

  6. I thought you did a great job in showing us who your MC is, but I also think you need to get in why she's traveling incognito. If you don't say why, I'm assuming it's a typical celebrity who doesn't want to be recognized, which isn't a big hook. Maybe hint at something dangerous or mysterious.

    I wouldn't read on because she's too superficial for me and doesn't seem very bright. I can't imagine following her for a whole novel (Even though I'm assuming she'll change and grow as the novel progresses.)

    She didn't intend to wear sunglasses on the plane, yet she's heading for the plane with sunglasses on. And what's the point in changing them? Is she going to be less recognizable in cheap sunglasses? She doesn't refer to her hair as uber-long and chocolate. The media does. And then 'she' refers to her hair as uber-long and chocolate. If she doesn't refer to her hair that way, why would she even say it? ANd maybe her neighbor didn't get lipo because she couldn't afford it or didn't want it? (These aren't comments about the writing. They're things that make me not like her.)

    So you'd lose me as a reader, but only because of personal taste.

  7. Oh my, the narrator is a little b-tch. I was liking her or at least on her side til the lipo crack. Well, then! The narrator's rear better be slim and tight and she'd better have a good excuse for cutting down middle America's middle-aged United Airline passengers. All this said, I'm intrigued. The narrator is something of a narcissist, clearing confusing herself with the center of the universe despite her supposed under-radar activities. I'd read on. Will she get her due? The title is fabulous, by the way.

  8. I love that she had a phantom hair flick! Well done. You set up the character's metamorphosis into someone new very well.