Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Logline Critique, Round 3 #23

TITLE: Trouble's My Middle Name
GENRE: Adult Fiction Romance Comedy

Micah Longley loves her stable, normal life but when a case of mistaken identity suddenly thrusts her onto a steamy soap opera show, she is unprepared for a crash course in overnight celebrity status. After the handsome Director tricks Micah into signing a year-long contract, angry words spark ardent desire leaving Micah scrambling to reassure herself she is in control. As the inevitable changes rip away all that was familiar, Micah must find the courage within to face life’s new challenges and fill it with her own special brand of humour and passion.

10 comments:

Kathleen Basi said...

Your first sentence is great, but the second points us in a different direction. In fact, it kind of sounds like a second "inciting incident." If there's a way to condense the 2nd & 3rd sentences into one, I think we'll have a clearer vision of where you're hoping to lead us.

Anonymous said...

I suggest editing lines one and three and dropping line 2. overnight celebrity is a nice hook, now show us what's at stake for Micah.

Janice Sperry said...

inevitable changes, find the courage within, and all that was familiar are generic terms. They don't actually say anything. What happens? Why would a director trick a woman into signing a contract? Is there a romance with the director? You hint but I wasn't sure. I like your premise but you have to make sure it really stands out as unique.

Marie Andreas said...

The story sounds interesting, but the logline is a might confusing. Does she have to work with the other time travelling teen? And why are her abilities unique? At first I thought you meant time travel as being unique but it looks like that's not the case. Also, personal tragedy isn't quite as strong as actually listing what it is.

The first line is good- but maybe could be tightened a bit? The concept is very interesting and looks like a fun read. The second line is too much info for a logline and could probably be tossed. I'm not sure how I feel about "her own special brand of humour(British spelling?) and passion". It teeters on the edge of being cliché.

But this sounds like a hoot!

Kathryn Purdie said...

Although your punctuation is correct, at my first read-through, I thought your beginning phrase meant Micah loved her stable, like full-of-horses stable. Also is she unprepared for her crash course OR her celebrity status. It reads like it's regarding the crash course. Don't capitalize "Director." Put a comma after "ardent desire", without one, that sentence is hard to read. Other than that, much of this logline isn't focused on a clear conflict. Right now it sounds like the stakes are Micah losing her normal, controlled life, but I'm wanting something stronger and more focused than that. I'd also suggest putting more comedic voice into this logline, since it's a comedy.

It sounds like grounds for a funny adventure with instant stardom and an aggravatingly sweet romance.

Good luck!

BeckyP said...

The second sentence really threw me, and I'm not entirely sure it's needed. Maybe introduce the director in the first sentence. ".....she is unprepared for a crash courser in overnight celebrity status, as well as the irritating yet handsome director."

Your plot sounds great, though. I love romantic comedy novels.:)

Karennina said...

I like the premise, and your first sentence. The rest of it needs to tightened. Give us specifics. "inevitable changes", "all that was familiar", "find the courage within", "life’s new challenges" ... these are all generalities and cliches. Let your logline show what's unique about your plot, and you're on your way!

Holly Bodger said...

Your first line starts off quite well but then it all spirals into a passive protagonist with no goal (and finding courage is not a tangible goal). What does she ACTUALLY want to do here? If you aren't sure, ask yourself what happens right before the story ends. Does she quit? Tell the Director where to go?

Good luck!
Holly

Robbin said...

There's a lot to like, especially the first line, but we need more. How is she in control? It doesn't sound like it to me. I think you can tighten this up. Like the premise :)

Barbara said...

Great first sentence. After that, it fizzles out with vagueness. Who does she have ardent desire for, or does someone have ardent desire for her? WHat is she in control of? Her life? WHat's happening backstage at the show? Give us specifics instead of generalities.