Miss Snark's First Victim
I would break this into two sentences to make it punchier. Sounds intriguing though!
Why? Why is she the only one and why is she willing to risk her life to stop him? People don't risk their lives to hunt serial killers for fun. You need a really good justification here.Good luck!Holly
I think more details would really help flesh this out some. That said, though, i really love the idea and the clever "for his collection" bit and the rome setting.
So the police can't stop him, and why? What makes her special?
Why is she the only one? Who is she? Why does he covet her? Does he know her? Is it because of what makes her "the only one"? Without some idea of those things, this sounds implausible and not particularly unique.
I had the same "why?" thoughts expressed by others. Also, what sets your serial killer apart? They are so prevalent in this genre that something needs to be distinctive to catch my attention.
The part about him coveting her for his collection is a great hook! I do wonder why she's the only one who can stop him.
I love the combination of 'the Sculptor" in Rome, and 'collection'. I also had the "Why?"s, but I think this is compelling.
I also had the question "why her?" But otherwise? I find this very intriguing! I'd read on.
I don't think the logline is doing justice to what is probably a very cool novel. Leave out the name of your protagonist - "A grad student (studying abroad?) becomes the target of an artistic serial killer."Spice it up.
This intrigued me. It also made me ask what makes her think she can stop him and what makes him want to add her to his collection. Even hinting at these answers will strengthen your logline. Good job.
I agree with Natasha's comment above. I think we need more detail to connect with the story idea, otherwise it can feel too generic to hook us. I bet this was erring on the side of really cutting down to be log-line-ish, but it could be a little more detailed to hook us a bit more.
I'd like to know what makes this person special. And I wonder why the "t" in the "the Sculptor" isn't capitalized.