TITLE: Silver Pool of Light
GENRE: MG FANTASY
Not all attics are full of shadows, spider webs, and ugly hatboxes dotted with evidence of unwelcome creatures; those are the kind of attics where children get locked away. Some attics smell like lavender soap, are strewn with treasures, and if the right child should come in at the right moment, are full of possibility.
The treasures in Aunt Tibby’s attic were mostly old diaries. Crooked, almost toppling stacks of antique journals and ship’s logs covered the wooden floorboards and wide shelves, because the museum had run out of room and Aunt Tibby wasn’t about to throw them away. Heavens no.
Somewhere, in one of the piles of antique leather and cloth-covered books was a particular diary that Eve, Aunt Tibby’s grand-niece, couldn’t wait to find. It was the key to her questions, because now that she was eleven she had lots of questions, about her mother. So for months, every time Eve visited Martha’s Vineyard she hunted for this diary, even though in the winter she would freeze and in the summer she would melt in the attic. She didn’t mind the temperatures, because she wanted to find out more about Mama, and Daddy didn’t like to talk about her. He said it still hurt too much. He said it was better to focus on The Now.
But Eve couldn’t help but wonder, what was so special to Mama about the Eve who wrote the diary?
I'm loving this opening. It's not bombarding the reader with facts or information about the characters just yet, like so many people prefer, but lets the atmosphere stew with description. I would read on to learn about the diary and what else is in the attic, plus for a MG, your prose is fantastic.
ReplyDeleteI know I haven't read this before, but the story seems familiar. I must have encountered it somewhere...
ReplyDeleteI really like the voice of this, the way I get a sense for Aunt Tibby through Eve's eyes. I do wonder how she knows about the diary in the first place, but I'm sure that's explained later. I'd read on. Good luck!
I love the description of the attics, and the excitement your MC has about being there.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the other comments that you give us just enough info about the characters at this point.
Lots of voice and would definitely read on. Good luck!
I really love the voice here and would definitely keep reading!
ReplyDeleteThe first two paragraphs flow beautifully and draw me in immediately. I just hope that you'll introduce dialogue within the next 100 words. I'd like to get to know the characters by what they are saying/doing.
Good luck!
I have read the query for this entry elsewhere so this is one I already know I would read more based on the premise! I have even offered to read this one b/c I am so intrigued!
ReplyDeleteThat being said I would read on even w/o knowing. I love the opening with the description of the attic, ending with the word "possibility." The reader is also introduced to a mystery right away, with the MC wanting/needing to find out more about her mother, and what the diary will reveal when found!
A couple nit-picky things. Second paragraph you have "mostly" and "almost" very close together (I would change one) and in the third paragraph I would take out "in the attic" at the end of the second sentence or reword. It feels tacked on, and we already know she is hunting "in the attic" so it is redundant.
Good luck!
I, too, enjoy the prose here, and especially the sense we get of Aunt Tibby. (Heavens no.) :) In the second sentence of the third para I'm not sure you need the comma after "questions" and you also use "but" twice in the last sentence. I was a little unclear about its meaning. I love the classic feel of this. Best of luck to you!
ReplyDeleteLoved the contrasting attics. Hooked by the diaries, antique journals and ship's logs. Definitely want to read more about Aunt Tibby.
ReplyDeleteGreat job.
Love the mystery and the voice! Good job!
ReplyDeleteDiary in the attic! I was a sucker for lost diary books when I was a child and had such a hard time finding any, let alone one that was any good. I love the clean, easy writing, and though I haven't read MG since I was 8 or 9 (other than mysteries), I would read this right now.
ReplyDeleteThe last sentence was a little confusing, but I'm sure that'll get explained very soon.
I figured out why I recognized this. We worked on Twitter pitches together back in May, so that's why I know where this is going...
ReplyDeleteI like this one - it's a fun opening. Nice premise too :)
ReplyDeleteThis is one of my favorites! A wonderful and unique opening. The prose is very clean and the author conveys so much in a subtle and compelling way. We get a great feel for who Aunt Tibby is and learn about Eve's drive and persistence.
ReplyDeleteI, too, am confused about the last line. Based on the author's writing before this, I have faith it will somehow pay off or make sense. Perhaps though it's not worth risking the confusion. If Eve doesn't have the diary, how does she know about an "Eve" who wrote it? Is that where the fantasy comes in?
Nice work!
I really liked the voice here. Also, the author manages to set the scene for us without it being boring. There is still plenty of info about the MC and her problem. Excellent job.
ReplyDeleteThe third para read the weakest to me. CUt out "so for months", "in the attic". Perhaps the one line would read better as "SHe didn't mind because she needed to know about Mama and Daddy didn't like to talk about her. He said it was better to focus on The Now."
I was also confused by the last line but I think it's because we are missing the rest of the para.
I loved Aunt Tibby already and would certainly read on.
You introduce attic types, but it appears that Aunt Tibby's attic is of neither type, so I'd probably start paragraph 2 by stating that: "Aunt Tibby's attic, on the other hand, was of a third kind, its treasures mostly being old diaries" or something like that.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I found myself absolutely baffled by the last line, since it seemed like Eve was looking to learn more about her mother by finding her diary.