GENRE: Contemporary Romance
A popular singer at the center of a vicious smear campaign must face a tragic secret from her past to repair her hard-earned reputation and fight for a chance at happiness with the college professor who's taught her how to love.
You have most of the elements here, but it's not written like a logline which is making it sound too much like a bland description. Try to add something juicy to incite the goal.ReplyDelete
A lot of details to absorb paints a rather blurry picture of exactly who we're dealing with and why. For a romance, there's very little emphasis on the romantic interest or the conflict FOR THEM. Leave out all but the details about her that impact THEM. Give us the conflict THEY face and why they will have to struggle to reach their HEA.ReplyDelete
Why does her past get in the way of a man who loves her?ReplyDelete
As one sentence, it has a wordy feel. I'd break it up. The college professor reference feels like an add-on and less of a priority compared to fighting for her reputation.ReplyDelete
I agree with Holly that the lack of personalization makes it feel bland. Also, too many of the nouns have adjectives (popular singer, tragic secret, hard earned reputation) for one sentence. And what specifically does "facing" the secret mean and how will that repair her reputation?ReplyDelete
It seemed like one really, really long sentence. I'm not sure how the smear campaign connects to the tragic secret...the pieces that put the sentence together don't seem connected.ReplyDelete
Excellent feedback. Yank the ho-hum out of it - what makes your protagonist different? Who's getting in her way and why? I agree with Abbe Hoggan - break out the thesaurus. Use action verbs.
A good start. I wasn't sure if the smear campaign had something to do with the tragic secret as well. Is that what's preventing her from professing her love to the professor?ReplyDelete
What's missing is what's keeping both of these people apart. You might want to follow a format that states who she is on line one, who he is on line two and what keeps them apart on line three.
I would definitely consider breaking up the sentence... and be more specific about a few things. What is this "tragic secret" that can repair her reputation? Also, I'm wondering which is the main conflict, the smear campaign/reptuation or the romance... If the genre is cont. romance, then maybe you should focus mainly on the college professor love aspect and what is keeping them apart or complicating their relationship. I like Bonnie's format suggestion. That would probably work well for this logline. Good luck!ReplyDelete
All good suggestions. This has two conflicts - repair the reputation and fight for happiness. I think for a logline, you should try to focus on one. You can then kind of slip the second one in as the 'stakes'.ReplyDelete
So maybe three concepts here and think of each as an act:
1) When a popular singer's reputation is threatened by a vicious smear campaign,
2) she is forced to face a tragic secret from her past. (maybe don't be coy about it? can there be a hint of whether this is a family secret, or something else?)
3) She must (do something concrete) or risk losing her chance of happiness with the only man she ever loved (bringing in the college professor so specifically is diluting the thrust of her conflict)
I think you've submitted this book before--if I'm right about that, if I'm remembering the right book, you've done a stellar job condensing the book to its essentials. Now it does read a little bland, though--the good news is that you are so compact in your word count, you have room to play!ReplyDelete
I thought it was too vague. WHO is the singer? WHAT is the smear campaign? What is being said about her. WHY is she being smeared? ANd WHO is smearing her?ReplyDelete
Thanks so much for the feedback everyone. I will work on spicing it up some! :) And Kathleen - yes you probably do remember this from last year, and thank you!ReplyDelete