TITLE: A GAME OF SAILS
GENRE: Romantic Adventure
The goal is a medal at the next Olympic Games, but can two complete opposites even earn the right to represent the USA? Sailors' Gold is a 70,000 word romantic adventure novel that offers an insider's view of Olympic sailing.
Small triangles of boats already covered up the sun-baked Miami grass by the time I got back to the dock. I pulled my own Solo up onto its two-wheeled dolly and onto the lawn, completing the hardest transition of the day: from svelte sea creature back to land-bound clunky human. On the water I felt so graceful, as if I had been born to sail. On land I felt like a caged tiger who'd been told not to roar.
I dropped the dolly handle, parking my boat in its spot right between Rachel and Alex. She was already pulling a protective cover over her boat, careful not to lean her dark pink miniskirt against the wet fiberglass. Even by her standards (way higher than mine), pearls were too much for the post-race boat park. The three or four other sailors who were still hanging around their boats hadn't yet changed out of their dripping wetsuits.
"What happened to you, Case?" her brow furrowed. "I thought you'd win that last race."
"I thought I would too." Heaving an enormous sigh, I took a swig from my water bottle. It tasted almost sweet after all the salt spray. "I didn't factor in Spencer Harding."
"Spencer?--but he's in the men's fleet."
"He capsized right on top of me. What an idiot."
"It's his first regatta."
"Well he should've learned to sail a Solo before he showed up at a national team qualifier!" I shook my head, sending water arcing off my matted braid.
This is okay. I'm not sure I get the caged tiger analogy. You've just said she feels clunky on land and a caged tiger doesn't feel clunky to me; it feels angry.
ReplyDeleteAside from that, I'd re-word the last line. You have to shake your head REALLY hard in order to make water come off your braid and this kind of action doesn't seem to fit here.
I actually went back and forth trying to determine the gender of the main character, finally deciding she was female based solely on the genre before getting to the last section. This is definitely not a genre I read but I liked the main character, and that's a big plus. I might not read on but I'd give the book to my wife since I know it's her genre and she'd love it.
ReplyDeleteAnybody who loves sports, the Olympics, and of course sailing would like this, but if you want a larger audience (romantic adventure) may I suggest sprinkling the sailing analogies throughout the book and letting the first scene eaze the reader into this world by presenting one main problem, perhaps clutsy exasperating, Spencer. Or setting up a jealousy over him in which she denies being interested in the accident prone goof.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure, for me personally, i'd read on without any changes. i liked it very much.
This is written well, includes a lot of good detail, and has a lovely element of sweetness to it. I'm not one for reading romances, but I can certainly tell when one is off to a good start, and this is.
ReplyDeleteI like Spencer already and Case.
ReplyDeleteJust some knits:
"...by the time I got back to the dock" didn't give me a good picture. At first, I thought she came from the parking lot. How about: by the time I sailed back to the dock?
her brow furrowed. Her brows furrowed.
"Spencer?(--b)But he's in the men's fleet."
I'd read more.
Have you considered starting your story a bit earlier? This feels a bit too quiet. Why not on the water with the excitement of the qualifier underway with Spencer's boat hurtling toward her/ wrecking her chance to win. Conflict!
ReplyDeleteThis would be especially effective if Spencer is a potential love interest. Food for thought. :-)
Thanks for all the great comments... really helpful to get some perspective on what works and what doesn't.
ReplyDelete