Wednesday, September 21, 2011

September Secret Agent #39

TITLE: The Mark of Abel
GENRE: paranormal romance

From behind the tree in the center of Eden, Lucifer reached for Eve. Her warmth teased his fingers, and thunder rumbled. He yanked his hand back, and his shoulders sagged. God may not have specified Eve, but the spirit of his command was clear.

Despite the warning, his fascination with her continued unabated. It had done so since her unexpected arrival. Eve hadn’t been part of the original plan. Lilith had been there first, but Eve was unlike Lilith in practically every way. They had the same brown hair so dark it was like the night and the same olive skin that stood in stark contrast to the luminescent white of the angels. That’s where the similarities ended.

Lilith strode through the garden. Eve gently strolled. Lilith proclaimed her dominance with every action. Lucifer chuckled. That seemed to irritate Adam to no end. Eve, on the other hand, explored and was part of Eden.

The best part.

Eden. The Garden of Delight. The name fit. It should. God didn’t name many things, but when he did, the words were magical. They became power words humans couldn’t even comprehend. Eden.
Eve glanced towards Adam, and Lucifer’s gut knotted. If there was one thing in Eden that didn’t make sense, it was Adam. Lucifer had been there when God had created Adam, but couldn’t figure out why he was necessary. Lucifer could have named everything. He’d already named the angels.
Of course it wasn’t his place to question God’s actions, yet the thought lingered.


  1. I'm on the fence on this one. I would keep reading to see which side I fall off. lol. I think I'm stuck on the Lucifer character. He doesn't seem evil. He seems curious. And this is a paranormal romance. Now I'm curious...

  2. A lot of telling. Would rather see showing.

    Keep at this...

  3. I like this. Maybe it's not super dynamic with action, but the writing is well done and I want to know where it's going

  4. The writing is very strong here and I'm intrigued by the Lucifer character, that he doesn't seem to be evil yet. There is something distancing about this though that I can't quite put my finger on. I think it's that Lucifer is doing a lot of describing in a pretty factual way so I'm not getting a real sense of who he is.

  5. this is some good writing, though i'm not down w/the whole "lilith first" idea. you evoked good mental pictures of both women.

  6. I loved it from beginning to end. I would by the book and read it.

    It was very intriguing.

  7. Instead of eve "gently strolled" I'd use a single verb that's different from lilith's verb.

    Intriguing but not super hooked 'cause it seems this could go on for a long time with lucifer critiquing god's work.

  8. I liked this and enjoyed the twist of Lucifer being enamored with Eve. Your writing style is pleasing to me and the plot is interesting.

    The only thing that tripped me up is when you mention Lilith and Eve being so different but then give examples of their likeness. Then further down the difference are mentioned.

    It seemed out of order - go with the similarities and then move to the differences.

    Thank you for sharing and good luck!