TITLE: The Killing Cure
GENRE: Thriller
Nanoparticles are all around us, in our clothes, our make-up and even our food. Researchers are using them in the fight against cancer – but what if something goes wrong?
Dr. Catherine Thomas, a spunky British scientist, is pulled from her groundbreaking research across the globe where she finds her soul mate and faces life-threatening dangers. She uses nanoparticles to fight cancer, but her work is stolen by the three most powerful men in the world, and soon people with twinkling eyes start dying from a new and frightening disease: Nanoplague.
Nice story - smart and thrilling - my fav pairing :) However, this is more of a query. Your real logline is your last line, with a little tinkering. Something like: Spunky, british scientist Dr. Catherine Thomas uses nanoparticles to fight cancer, but when her work is stolen by the three most powerful men in the world, people start dying from a new and frightening disease: Nanoplague. Now she must (action) or or else (or in order to).
ReplyDeleteCut it to this and I think you've got. Good luck!
This sounds cool, but as you've probably already figured out it needs to be shorter.
ReplyDeleteI would recommend starting with the last sentence, which seems to summarize the premise well. Then, if possible, add one or two more specific details to bring in the romance or life-threatening aspects.
Good luck. This is my type of book!
You're starting with backstory, and then using a rhetorical question (I've read many agents despise these). Much better to focus on the mc.
ReplyDeletePerhaps something like: Dr. Catherine Thomas designs nanoparticles to fight cancer, but when her work is stolen, it unleashes a terrible new plague. If she doesn't find a way to neutralize the nanoparticles (I'm guessing here what the goal is) all of humanity might perish (guessing at the stakes too).
I don't know that her romance is pertinent in a logline, unless it is a major part of the stakes.
This sounds interesting!
Start from the end first. "Dr. Catherine Thomas uses nanoparticles to fight cancer, but her work is stolen by the three most powerful men in the world, and soon people with twinkling eyes start dying from a new and frightening disease: Nanoplague." The rest seems like unneeded backstory for the logline.
ReplyDeleteAgree with previous comments. Nanoplague is a wonderful term--that's what interested me the most. I'm skeptical that the "three most powerful men in the world" would ever get together on anything; seems unnecessarily complicated, and wouldn't they be highly competitive?
ReplyDeleteI think you need to delete the first paragraph. After that, tell us who Dr. Thomas is and why she is pulled into this conflict. What happens first? Is her research stolen? Is that when people start dying? What does she do next? You need to tell us WHY she is compelled to act and then give the challenges she faces (and "life-threatening dangers" is too vague).
ReplyDeleteAfter that, wrap up with the consequences to her and the world.
Best of luck!
Holly
I liked the suggestion of Sheila (the first commenter) I thought she pretty much nailed it.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I just wanted to say that the new title is so much better than the old one!
ReplyDeleteSheila's on point here - it's an awesome premise, but the log line needs to a bit shorter in this case.
ReplyDeleteGreat title! I'd suggest starting with "Dr. Catherine Thomas manipulates nanoparticles to fight cancer..." and drop your first paragraph entirely. The "twinkling eyes" description stopped me short, and I'd suggest omitting it for the logline.
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone, especially EmilyR. You need to add in some brief description of a nanoparticle for people (i.e Me) who have no clue what they are or what they do. Sounds like a great premise and the feedback here is great. Good luck!
ReplyDelete