TITLE: Assignment 9
GENRE: YA Contemporary
Casey and Mark have just had their first date, and despite being terrified about what might happen, Casey has invited him up to her apartment where they continue the long conversation they've been having since they met that morning.
Mark leaves the apartment about an hour later. I walk him to the door in silence, shy all over again.
"Goodnight," Mark says once we get there.
"Goodnight." I tilt my face up at him, and that's when he kisses me.
I stumble back against the doorframe, my arms creeping up to embrace him as the kiss deepens. I feel his tongue probing into my mouth and allow my lips to open a little more, my own tongue moving against his. His hands rove up and down my back and I can feel the strength in his arms around me. Something like coals have started glowing inside me. I want this kiss to go on and on. But I still pull away first, stepping backward and licking my still-throbbing lips.
"Can I call you?" he asks, breathless, his face flushed.
"Yes," I tell him, more than a little breathless myself. "Please do."
What a sweet, hot kiss. Your description of what she is feeling and thinking is captivating.
ReplyDeleteVery nice.
ReplyDeleteAmazing.
ReplyDeleteooh very nice. A lot of heat here, for just 150 wods.
ReplyDeleteJust being nit-pciky here, but the two "still"s pulled me out a bit here:
But I still pull away first, stepping backward and licking my still-throbbing lips.
But that's just me looking for something. I enjoyed this a lot.
I thought this worked pretty well. Nice descriptions and we also get her emotions.
ReplyDeletePerhaps tighten it a bit. You could say 'His tongue probes' rather than 'I feel his tongue . . .' ANd "I feel his stength' omitting the 'can.' Perhaps say why she pulls away if, in fact, she really does want it to go on.
This was great. I love your ending. :)
ReplyDeleteWhoa! she just met him? She goes from shy to bold pretty quickly... I almost want to know what is going on in her head!
ReplyDeleteNice.
This is sweet.
ReplyDeleteMy one nit-picky thing if I'm looking for something to say would be that she stumbles backwards against the door frame, like she's almost leaning against it, and then she steps back to break the kiss.
I’m not a fan of the probing tongue. It don’t sound sensual or sexy or romantic to me. Also, you need a bit of tightening. For example, “I can feel,” isn’t as strong as, “I feel,” is. Likewise, if you keep the simile, “Something like coals glow inside me,” is stronger.
ReplyDeleteLastly, if he’s breathless, how is he speaking? Make sure your words mean what you want to get across.