TITLE: True North
GENRE: YA Fantasy
Wren Noonkester balanced on the edge of her open window and tried not to think what Gramma might say.
Wren was supposed to be asleep, resting up to vie for an apprenticeship tomorrow on the New Year like every other youth born outside the Bower. She was not supposed to be sneaking out into the night to go to the wall races.
Perhaps exiting via the window wasn’t the smartest way out. She could have lied instead, told Gramma she wanted to join the festivities in the square, but Wren had never been much of a liar, and Gramma had a knack for seeing straight through any deception.
I do feel grounded in the scene, and it feels both YA and fantasy to me with the world building and the sneaking out the night before interviews, basically. I think you world build pretty organically without overwhelming me with world-specific references. I found out a lot about the MC in this short segment, and there's tension and the promise of something exciting to come. I think you do a good job, overall, setting this up.
ReplyDeleteI get a little bit of repetition between "exiting" and "way out." My ear prefers something like either "Perhaps exiting via the window wasn't the smartest move," or "Perhaps the window wasn't the smartest way out."
First, I love her name. Perfect for a fantasy. But I'm not too sure at this point that it reads like a YA. She's worried about leaving her home for some fun like a younger child might. "Wall races" intrigue me. I want to find out about them. It's definitely a page turner.
ReplyDeleteI have the same comments as Brenda: fabulous name - wish I'd thought of it! :-) Also that worrying about Gramma is more likely to be 9-12 than 13-18. I like your sense of humor, though, and I'm intrigued by the world she is (probably literally) about to plunge into and show us.
ReplyDeleteI agree that you get a good sense of setting and character from this. But I disagree that your character reads like someone younger - don't a lot of teenagers sneak out at night to do dangerous or forbidden things? I think I've seen that more in YA than MG.
ReplyDeleteThis intrigues me, and I'd read more! Good luck!
I like this one. I think it has a nice balance of explanation without over-telling, and it starts where something is clearly about to happen rather than dropping us into the middle of something that's already happening. So I'd say it succeeds at quickly pulling the reader in and grounding them at the same time. :)
ReplyDeleteAlso, the fantasy world building is strong right from the beginning without being overwhelming, and I could see this fitting either MG or YA.
We get a great sense of place and are grounded in her world from the start. I'd like to see the focus/emphasis on Wren more than Gramma, but I love that we get a bit of characterization, a problem and a mystery. Yeah, I'd read this. ;-)
ReplyDeleteMG or YA - I get the feeling that we'll soon discover which! I like this opening for all the questions it elicits from the reader. I want to read on to find the answers.
ReplyDeleteI'm at the wall with her. I have a sense already that the MC is a rebel with a heart. I'm left wanting to read more to find out how attending the wall races impact the apprenticeship competition the next day. Feels like YA or MG to me.
ReplyDeleteI liked this quite a bit. To give that opening line more punch, instead of wondering what Gramma might say you could push a little further for something unexpected. Something readers wouldn't expect her to wonder, which creates a question and a pull to read more. Following up with sneaking out could be really compelling.
ReplyDeleteLove it and it immediately grabs me. I want to know what the festivities are. I want to know what wall races are. I want to know if this is like disney and there is a reason it's not mother or father but Grandmother... Well done
ReplyDeleteLove it and it immediately grabs me. I want to know what the festivities are. I want to know what wall races are. I want to know if this is like disney and there is a reason it's not mother or father but Grandmother... Well done
ReplyDelete