TITLE: Enemies & Allies
GENRE: Contemporary YA
Fifteen-year-old Morgan finds herself scheming with her former middle school enemy, Zach, to break up the relationship between her mother and his father.
As Zach guided me onto the seat, he almost fell on top of me. His face mere inches from mine as he breathed heavily. I couldn’t tell if it was from supporting my weight or something else.
Before I could stop myself, I slid my hand behind his neck and pulled him toward me. The moment his lips brushed mine I forgot all about the pain. There was just the heat rising up in me to meet his mouth.
Zach pulled back for a second to look at me before he leaned toward me again. This time when we connected, his mouth parted and his tongue flicked against mine. I heard a moan, but didn’t know if it came from me or him. Never could I have imagined how good this felt, somewhere between pleasure and pain. All my worries floated away and there was just the here and now.
Zach gently pushed me down on my back as he propped his hands on either side of me. My legs naturally squeezed around his hips as he pressed my body against him. I’d never been this close to anyone before and yet craved to be even closer.
Wind blew in the open door, but I could no longer feel the cold. In all the places our bodies touched, my skin burned like I had a fever. The ridiculousness of me kissing Zach circled through my mind, but it couldn’t compete with what my lips were doing. Or how my body reacted to him.
The only problem I have with this is that it isn't like a first kiss scene. It is more like an adult first kiss, and written from the POV of someone with smexy experience. I do have a problem with a fifteen year old being this spicy.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong with the writing. It is just too old for the character.
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ReplyDeleteSteamy! I think you did an excellent job drawing in the reader and making them FEEL the kiss. I got a little hung up on the following paragraph. I think it could be smoothed out in the wording. Also, I didn't understand the "supporting my weight or something else" part. But otherwise, I think you did awesome! :)
ReplyDelete"As Zach guided me onto the seat, he almost fell on top of me. His face mere inches from mine as he breathed heavily. I couldn’t tell if it was from supporting my weight or something else."
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ReplyDeleteWow! This is hot! I remember experiencing this same thing when I was 17, but it wasn't my first kiss or even my first kiss with that person. I'm not saying first kisses between teenagers can't go like that, but it does seem unlikely when one of them is so obviously inexperienced. That aside, it's well written, and I definitely felt this kiss. :)
ReplyDeletei definitely want to read more! what a great description of her passion "I’d never been this close to anyone before and yet craved to be even closer."
ReplyDeleteI love the premise of your story and the kissing scene. The steamy kiss didn't make me uncomfortable, but it did make me forget they were teenagers.
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