TITLE: The Fool's Daughter
GENRE: YA Fantasy
“Sing us a song, Fool!”
“Aye! That one about the pig--”
“No...the horse!"
“The one about your other daughter!”
Raucous laughter followed, and I kept my head down and my steps quick as my father and I hurried through the center square towards the village keep.
Because we don't know anything while reading the dialogue, I had to reread it after the narrative (and look at the title) to put together that the father was the fool and the MC the fool's daughter. When I read it the first time, I thought it was a bunch of people sitting around a campfire deciding what to sing, and the Fool was among them. Maybe you can add: "Sing us a song, Fool!" the man yelled at my father -- this would help clarify.
ReplyDeleteThat said, once I knew what was going on, I loved it. You get a sense from just this of what it means to be the Fool and the Fool's daughter, and you get a good sense of the character from how see handles it. I think it feels like the genre.
Best of luck!
I immediately felt that I was in a YA fantasy. The title itself is a hook. Like gloriachao above, I was a bit confused by the opening dialogue, but as I read further, I got a picture of fool-father and daughter passing through a crowd. I definitely want to read more. Keep writing.
ReplyDeleteI liked this beginning. I can see where it could be fantasy but it could just as easily be historical. It has the feel of either, depending on the story - so I think this works but that you'd have to get a bit further into the story for the fantasy elements.
ReplyDeleteI liked this beginning enormously. It could be historical fiction or fantasy but felt quickly grounded with your dialogue. How quickly the scene was spiraling out of control - I'd have kept my head down, too. And since she is 'the fool's' daughter, she's been experiencing this for a long time. I want to read more!
ReplyDeleteI liked this beginning too. I can see how the dialogue could create a certain uncertainty, but that was not the case with me. I think it's short enough that you quickly reach an explanation about what's happening, and that last sentence about his "other daughter" made me want to know more about the characters. Although we don't know it's Fantasy yet, it definitely feels like a historical setting.
ReplyDeleteI would keep reading, and I wish you good luck!
I think the opening dialog sets the time and place fairly well, but since I don't know who's speaking, it's not really letting me imagine a scene. It might do to switch the order of the dialog and the narration, start with her keeping her head down and then have the villagers accost them.
ReplyDeleteThe first time I read this one through, I was kind of confused by the untagged dialogue. I had to re-read it in context of the last sentence to get what was going on. I think starting not with dialogue, but perhaps with the narrator trying to get away from the teasing, and then we read that, might make things flow better. The tone of the dialogue and mention of the "village keep" makes me think fantasy or historical, so good job. I'm definitely interested to know about the "other daughter," and would probably keep reading.
ReplyDeleteI like this opening, and I agree with Diana that the dialogue is short enough that we learn the context very quickly and it's not a problem to begin it this way -- I think it's effective as it is.
ReplyDeleteThis scene immediately makes me empathize with the girl and want to find out more about her, and of course it fits the genre, so I think it's a successful opening all around.
What a great beginning! I like the sort, crisp dialogue and the narrative that follows. Definitely has a Medieval feel, so my mind anticipates an adventurous, possibly fantasy-based tale. I want to read more to find out why he is deemed a fool and what the other daughter is like. I'd look forward to following the MC--I'm already sympathetic to her plight.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great beginning! I like the sort, crisp dialogue and the narrative that follows. Definitely has a Medieval feel, so my mind anticipates an adventurous, possibly fantasy-based tale. I want to read more to find out why he is deemed a fool and what the other daughter is like. I'd look forward to following the MC--I'm already sympathetic to her plight.
ReplyDelete