TITLE: How to Date Dead Guys
GENRE: New Adult, Urban Fantasy
How they met: Emma tried to raise Mike Carlson from the dead after he drowned. Jake came back instead, and changed all her plans.
"You're gonna to leave me…" I whisper.
Jake sighs. "Emma, we've both known this all along. I've been living on borrowed time, in a way."
My stomach sinks. "Please don't leave. I think I've been asleep my whole life, and I'm finally just waking up."
Jake cocks his head and crinkles his eyes. He has no idea what I'm saying, and I've no idea why I'm saying it.
"It's just…" Tears fall down my cheeks, and I swipe at them. "If you leave, I'll go back to being who I was before, and I'm so tired of being me. I'm boring."
"I never thought you were boring. Annoying, of course, yes, but not boring."
"Shut up!" I swing at him and lose my balance.
Jake catches me and wraps me in a tight hug, patting my back much too vigorously.
"Jake, you're squishing me," I squeak.
He relaxes his hold. I gaze at his face.
Our eyes lock. Everything else turns fuzzy. The Christmas lights dim and the music fades.
We just stand there breathing for a moment, and then I kiss him.
Jake breaks my hold. "Emma, I don't know about this."
"Shhhh, it's all right," I say and I kiss him again.
I'm grateful to the raffle gods that allowed me into this contest. :)
ReplyDeleteOooh. I like this one. Sounds like they're starting with one strike (at least) against them already, and that I'll be pulling for them to overcome the odds. My kind of story!
ReplyDeleteI found this entry funny. It made me smile. It's kind of cute. However, I do not understand why she is saying something, then says she does not know why she is saying it. Also, I think she missed the point. Loving someone is missing him, not feeling boring without him. And that's from someone reading this piece totally out of context :)
ReplyDeleteThis is interchange is very lively (even though it is about a dead guy). I'm not sure you need separate paragraphs for the narrative at the end. Also "Tears fall down my cheeks" seems a little too common for such an original dialog. I enjoyed the humor.
ReplyDeleteThe banter between your characters seems so natural and unforced. It really helps make this an enjoyable scene. I would definitely read more of their story.
ReplyDeleteI loved the banter, it made me smile. The only thing that I thought was a little weird was the end with all the separated paragraphs? I think it might read more smoothly if it wasn't broken up like that.
ReplyDeleteI like the scene, but more detail on the kiss and emotions would've been nice here. It sounds like he's leaving, so the stakes for this kiss are high which calls for intense emotions. If this is the first time they kiss, how does a first/good bye kiss feel like?
ReplyDelete#1
Thanks for all the comments. This is a good exercise in how different things seem when taken out of context. Perhaps that's a good lesson to learn in life in general. :)
ReplyDeleteYay,Jake! I really liked this scene in the book. :D
ReplyDeleteI loved this scene and I love the way Emma took control :)
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