Wednesday, February 11, 2015

First Kiss #3

TITLE: Back to Breaux Bridge
GENRE: Romantic Mystery

Marc is stranded in a parking lot with Sierra, who gave him his first kiss right before moving away fifteen years ago.

“So are you,” he teased, bumping his arm playfully against hers.

She bumped him back. Her eyes narrowed and her mouth slid into a sly half-smile. Before he could stop himself—before he could worry about what people would think or if he would change his mind or if it would hurt—Marc leaned in and inched toward her face. She didn’t move, didn’t say anything, so he kept inching until his mouth reached hers.

Her lips were as soft as they looked. He moved his hand up to her face and pressed harder against her mouth. He’d kissed her once before, but that—that goodbye peck that left his heart lurching and swirling with confusion—was nothing like this. This kiss was something entirely new. Confusing, yes, but exciting and overwhelming and a rush of fifty other emotions overpowering him. Her lips parted slightly, when he took her bottom lip in his mouth. She pulled back, and he followed her with another soft kiss before braving to open his eyes and meet hers. He couldn’t read her face at all. Sierra, her every feature typically a megaphone of raw emotion, was blank.

“They’re here.”


She nodded her head to point behind him. When he turned, Marc spotted an old, green sedan driving toward them from the next entrance gate.

Worst timing ever.

Or maybe the best.


  1. I enjoyed this! I like the abrupt interruption of suspense storyline. - you might alter the before he could... Before / to be along the lines of
    Later he might / later he'd worry/ wonder
    So as to keep reader in tighter mc pov.
    Happy writing!

  2. I liked the scene. I had a moment of confusion -- which may simply be because the scene is taken out of context, when Marc worried if it 'would hurt' before he kissed her. I had to check that this wasn't sci-fi/fantasy -- I thought he might have some condition that made contact painful. I'm assuming this is a more emotional hurt he fears? The post-kiss reaction by Sierra is great, pulling the reader deeper into the story.

  3. I think this is a very sweet kiss, and I love first kisses told from the male perspective. There's just some small things - using inching twice, for instance - I like the visual but would like a different word.

    I like how she pulls back and he follows her. That's very romantic. One thing, though - I read a lot of romance, it's my genre, and I have to say, I'm tired, TIRED, of people sucking, nibbling, and biting lower lips. And does anyone even do that in real life?? Or, maybe just never the guys I kissed? Either way, my opinion is it's overused.

    I wonder if her face should just be blank. Would it have some sort of emotion related to the green sedan arriving? It would be fun for him to open his eyes to some look on her face he was not expecting at all, and react to that, and then have it turn out to be because it's about what's going on behind him. This seems like it might read well because this scene starts with a light, playful mood, so it might be nice to end it that way as well.

    I really enjoyed this kiss! Best of luck!