Wednesday, September 21, 2011

September Secret Agent #34

TITLE: IN SYNCH
GENRE: MG
Mom’s voice cuts deep, like a razor-sharp skate blade. “Melody,” she says, her pencil tapping the edge of the piano bench. “You need to count the rhythm. It’s one-and-two-and-three-and-four-and.”

I drop my hands onto my lap. “I was counting.”

“Not carefully enough. Now let’s try again, beginning at measure three.”

“One-and-two-and,” I say between clenched teeth, my fingers banging the keys.

Mom sighs. “Might as well stop. Pachelbel Canon is legato. You have to connect the notes, make them smooth.”

Smooth, I think. Like ice.

I start over, my fingers plunking while my mind spins around Civic Arena. I can almost feel the cool air whipping my ponytail as my skates glide across the slick surface.

“That’s it,” Mom says. “Feel the music.”

As I play a G major chord, I imagine myself in spiral position, leg held high, arms outstretched, my silver skate blade cutting a crisp outside edge.

“Keep going, Melody. Now you’re getting it.”

I smile. In my head I’m pushing into back crossovers, moving into a one-foot glide…

“Wow.” Mom nods as I play the final chord. “The notes weren’t perfect, but you finally put your heart into it.”

I sit there, staring at the boring black and white keys. “Can I be done now?”

Mom purses her lips and takes a deep breath, like a swimmer getting ready to dive underwater. Finally, she closes my lesson book. “All right, but you need to practice an extra ten minutes tomorrow.”

Uggh.

10 comments:

  1. I think this is really excellent. I love that it tells us so much about Melody and her mom right away. I especially like that the girl's name is "Melody" - it shows us how important music is to her mom. The conflict is clear and the dialogue is engaging. Nice work!

    Good luck.

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  2. Definitely interested to see where this is going. You don't see too many MG novels out there with a focus on music. Or ice skating.

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  3. I like the integration of ice skating into her playing. Nicely illustrates her love of skating and brings out the conflict of mom/music vs child/skating. Well done.

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  4. I think this is beautifully done, I have nothing negative to say except that for some reason I dislike fiction about ice skating and also music, so it wouldn't be for me.

    But really very strong.

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  5. i do like the skating/music analogy. the mom reminded me of a tiger mother! ha.

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  6. Very nice. I like how well you show her love for skating. And lots going on emotionally. I'd keep reading. :)

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  7. I'm hooked. The writing is nice. I like how you wove the MC's thoughts with the conversation with her mother. Both the characters seem to be very strong. I would love to read more. I'm sure there's more conflict to come and I'd love to see who wins out, the music or the skating! Great job. :)

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  8. I thought this was very well done. There are a lot of little touches here that say you know what your doing - her name choice, the opening simile, the way you interweave the music and skating. Very nicely done!

    The only thing I'd suggest is a bit of emotion in the - I sit there, staring at the boring black and white keys - sentence. The transition between that sentence and the one before it is a bit abrupt. She's just come off some wonderful images in her mind and it seems she'd feel something about them. Maybe add that in.

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  9. You hit all the right notes with this! Sorry, couldn't resist :). But seriously, you did a wonderful job of showing the conflict instead of just telling us what was going on.

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  10. this is absolutley lovely. I can relate to the MC so very well because I took piano lessons too -- ages ago.

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