TITLE: THE WOODLANDS HEIR
GENRE: YA Fantasy
When Elwyn's out of control magic accidentally burns down her beloved magical woodlands, an irritatingly hot half-fae agrees to help her control her magic. She only has until the Winter Solstice to harness her power before the Queen of Death challenges her to a duel. The problem? She agreed to spy on the half-fae for a trickster faerie who is protecting her family while she is away.
The woods whispered their secrets to her.
Elwyn Dor loosed a breath as crickets, babbling creeks, and singing birds competed against the thousands of rustling leaves chattering overhead.
This seems pretty cliche to me, with elements of love-hate relationships and evil queens and out-of-control magic. I am intrigued by the spying section, but you hide that in the last line. That's your hook, get it farther up. Still a NO from me, but it has potential.
ReplyDeleteYES
ReplyDeleteI love a good hate to love story. For some reason the word "hot" threw me off though so maybe a better word or do we even need to know how good looking the half-fae is in the pitch? As for the first lines, I'm not sure we need the first one. I think we can get that the forest is speaking to her in the second line.
YES. I love the clear, descriptive elements of the pitch. I just think the stakes in the last two lines could be stronger. Why is being a spy a problem? Elwyn seems to be juggling a lot of plates. She has the duel coming, but the half-fae is helping. She has to protect her fam, but the trickster fae has her covered. What is the thing that could throw a wrench in her plans and bring these plates crashing down? What is the worst thing that could happen here?
ReplyDeleteNO. I got confused during your query. Why is the Queen challenging her? If it's because of the fire, say so. Also, you have a half-fae, a trickster faerie and a family and too many people. The opening lines are nice, but they don't suggest any sort of threat, which would help to draw me in.
ReplyDeleteNO
ReplyDeleteSome elements I really like, but it didn't grab me enough. I didn't like how you had "out of control magic" and "control her magic" both in the first line. It reads a little clunky, which would make me wonder if the book would feel the same. I do like "irritatingly hot half fae." But then I wonder why the Queen of Death is challenging her, and then the last line seemed to come out of nowhere as to why the trickster needs her to spy on the fae. I think if you can make it a little more specific, it would be stronger. The first two lines are nicely written but didn't grab me enough that I'd read on despite being unsure of the plot.
NO. The opening lines sound generic. There must be something more a magical being would be aware of in the woods. Something a human may not notice.
ReplyDeleteplay bazaar
ReplyDeleteI got confused during your query. Why is the Queen challenging her? If it's because of the fire, say so. Also, you have a half-fae, a trickster faerie and a family and too many people. The opening lines are nice, but they don't suggest any sort of threat, which would help to draw me in.Satta Bazar