TITLE: The Blue Jay
GENRE: MG Fantasy
When Liz accidentally traps herself and her siblings in her own imaginary world and her sister gets kidnapped by the bad guys she made up, Liz must team up with her annoying teenage brother, Kyle, on a quest to save her sister and find a way home before it’s too late.
The bus lumbered forward like an enormous beetle, its bright yellow sides warning of poison and danger. I smelled its fumes as the engine heaved and sent it hurtling toward the sidewalk where I stood, waiting to climb into its maw.
YES: I love the title and wow the pitch sounds awesome. There's a few places in the pitch I think can be reworded though. Good luck :)
ReplyDeleteYES. You have a knack for turn of phrase, I like the image of the school bus swallowing her. I agree with Maddie about rewording the pitch, and I think it would help to break it into more than one sentence so it's clearer.
ReplyDeleteYES
ReplyDeleteThe pitch intrigued me, but the opening lines really give a sense of Liz and her imagination.
YES
ReplyDeleteLove the concept and the opening lines.