GENRE: YA Fantasy
OCD techie Lissette is used to having magic at her fingertips—there’s an app for that. Her dad made it, and she excels at crafting digital spells. But all magic has a price. When a virus infects that magic technology, she must stop it before it spreads and kills everyone she loves. RENEGADES X THIS MORTAL COIL
Dad had his filthy shoes propped on my spotless coffee table again. Every day, I found him lounging on the couch with his laptop sitting on his knees and his feet crossed, mud dripping from his soles onto the mahogany surface.
YES - I really like this premise. I have to say though, that "There's an app for that" is dated. I would reword that part of the pitch. But otherwise, I'm sold.ReplyDelete
I'm not entirely sure how I feel. I'm confused by a guy who is obviously a computer person having mud dripping boots. Guys who work on computers aren't usually traipsing around in the mud. What type of person is he?ReplyDelete
YES-I love the idea of virtual magic, which is a creative way of crafting spells. I'd polish up the stakes a little more, and maybe cut the line about magic having a price, since we see that in the next sentence. But I like how the first sentences tell instead of show Lissette's OCD and her relationship with her father. It's full of personality. Nice job.ReplyDelete
YES! Great, vivid image in your first 50 words.ReplyDelete
Yes!!! The pitch is snappy and the concept of magic apps is awesome. The first lines drew me right into the story, and I can already hear the character's voice coming through.ReplyDelete
yes! i love it when magic and technology mixReplyDelete
Yes a thousand times! I've read this and it is fantastic. Romance, magic, and tech.ReplyDelete
Remember to use ALL CAPS for your yes or no (as Jillian said).ReplyDelete
YES!!! tons of personality in the words and pitchReplyDelete
Yes! Love this pitch.ReplyDelete
YES! sci-fi and fantasy def should be the next big thing and I love the voice here.ReplyDelete
The idea drew me in. Don't know if you need the line about magic having a price. I liked the "there's an app for that". The opening lines give a sense of Lisette's OCD and the differences between her and her father. From the mud on his boots I'm getting the somewhat aloof/crazy/eccentric type of programmer or maybe he is so involved in his work that he is ignorant of the physical world around him.
Really interesting concept. I like the mix of magic and technology.
It's great! I love that one od the characters reminds me of myself. :)ReplyDelete
YES. I love the mental health rep, and the concept sounds unique. I like that the first lines tie into the MC's condition, so we get grounded in her perspective right off. I'd like a hint more emotion about how seeing those muddy shoes makes her feel inside, though. Does stopping the virus include some challenge that is made more difficult by her OCD? If so, that might be cool to work into the pitch.ReplyDelete
YES. Relatively fresh concept of magic + Tech. I love the intro of a person with OCD. I think you can trim your pitch just a bit: ...at her fingertips. Her Dad made the app for that and she excels...ReplyDelete
I'm not fond of the opening lines but the idea intrigues me.