TITLE: Boy On The Corner
GENRE: YA #Ownvoices Horror
1986. When asthmatic Levi and other kids are abducted from a haunted house by the townspeople, he learns every ten years, ten children are picked to be sacrificed to a railroad-dwelling monster as penance for a hate crime committed ninety years ago. Now on the run, Levi must use his Stephen King expertise to fight back with kids from the wrong side of the tracks before the monster collects them as payment.
There was only one thing to do in Roan Oak other than cow tipping—visiting the Rosewood Mall.
I arrived a few minutes early that day, lingering outside of what could’ve been my second home: the arcade.
YES. This pitch sounds fascinating. Your first two sentences follow a very similar structure, one with an ellipsis and one with an em dash, and that's not necessarily a problem once but you should be careful you don't do it too many times in a row or on the same page.
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ReplyDeleteThe pitch pulls me in, however the "and other kids" bothered me. Seems unnecessary for the pitch - I feel like they are just throw away characters. We care about Levi.
YES
ReplyDeleteGood pitch. I like the mention of Stephen King expertise. The first two lines didn't grab me as much as some others, but I'd read on because of the pitch.
YES the pitch feels awkward, honestly, but your opening lines did the trick.
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ReplyDeleteI like the pitch and the first line. The second line needs work, but the story is something I'd read.