TITLE: Donny Quinn and the Quest for Computer Parts
GENRE: MG Contemporary Humor
Donny says he's a great wizard who can save the world, but only if he can finish his portal. His friend, Sandra, thinks he's just a 12-year-old boy building a computer to play a game, and she's pretty sure the world will survive either way. MG reimagining of DON QUIXOTE, complete w/ windmill.
Exile. I wander down the solid stone path the natives call a sidewalk.
...And? I like the setup, but what are the stakes? You set up the "save the world" but undercut it, and there's no sense of the narrative. Which of the characters is correct? Which is even our main character? It's fine if they're both equally important, but framing the pitch from one of their perspectives will help make it connect better.
ReplyDeleteAs for the first sentences, why does the first word need to be there? You could make it a part of a sentence or cut it, since I bet it comes up later on.
NO.
YES
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of an MG Don Quixote. The rest of the pitch was a little bland on it's own, but knowing it's a reimagining makes me see a lot of possibilities for the story. Knowing it's contemporary humor with a main character who might not fit in socially makes me hope for something along the lines of Origami Yoda.
YES
ReplyDeleteI like the reimagining of DON QUIXOTE. The pitch itself though could use some work. I think keeping it to one POV might be better.
NO
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like a cool concept, but I'd like a little better idea of stakes to make me read on. I like the voice, though.
NO and I SO BADLY want to say yes. I LOVE Don Quixote and really hope this works someday, but this pitch actually downplays any tension: "she's pretty sure the world will survive either way." I know the basic story and I understand why you used this phrase, but it doesn't work here. Keep it for the book. Here, you have to tell us the "WHEN Donny said he'd save the world once his portal was finished, Sandra thought Donny might try rebooting the computer. Then WHAT happens to change Sandra's mind? Now, Sandra can help Donny ??? OR she can go back to INSERT consequences of not helping. Best of luck with this!
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