TITLE: The City Beautiful
GENRE: YA Gothic Horror
1893, Chicago World’s Fair. Possessed by the dybbuk of a murder victim, 17-year-old Alter must find whoever’s targeting Jewish immigrants before the vengeful spirit takes his body over for good—that is, if the killer doesn’t take his life first.
#Ownvoices LGBT Gothic horror where SAWKILL GIRLS meets THE GOLEM AND THE JINNI.
Anguished sobs echoed down the winding stairwell, bouncing off the walls like the cries of strange birds. Here on Maxwell Street, weeping was as common an occurrence as shouting, wailing babies, and laughter.
YES: This pitch is killer in a good way. Horror is right up my alley so yay :) the premise sounds very fascinating. The opening lines didn't grab my attention as much. I think if you reworded the opening to "Weeping was as a common occurrence on Maxwell Street as laughter" then it could work better. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteYES
ReplyDeleteThe pitch gets right to the point. The second opening line is wordy to me, seems to lose some of the punch.
YES
ReplyDeleteSounds creepy and intriguing. I agree with Maddie about the first line. Using something with "weeping was a common occurrence on Maxwell Street" would be very engaging.
YES. The query was a tad confusing. Honestly not sure why. But I love the idea of a Dybbuk, a Jewish horror story and the opening lines are priceless. Bring it!
ReplyDeleteYES
ReplyDeleteInteresting premise