Tuesday, October 1, 2019

Hook the Editor #6

GENRE: YA Speculative Thriller

STRANGER THINGS x US 17yo Addy has had PTSD since armed men killed her dad three years ago. When she comes home one day and he’s there—alive—Addy hides her traumatic memories and becomes an imposter in what seems to be a better version of reality. But now her mirror-reflection has come to life—with plans of her own—and if Addy doesn’t uncover the truth about her town’s secret experiments, she could lose Dad in both lives.

The fear was back.
It pulsed like fever behind the overworked eyes of the students shuffling by in a study-induced stupor.


  1. A little confused by the pitch. It took a couple of reads to be sure I understood. I would like more specifics on "plans of her own." I like the first two lines. On the whole, this would be a YES for me!

  2. NO
    The pitch was confusing to me. The second opening line I found awkward and not sure what it was supposed to convey.

  3. YES
    The end of the pitch got confusing and the second sentence of the opening seems not to match the first (students shuffling in a stupor don't seem to match with fear pulsing in their eyes). But this concept about ending up in alternate world where her father is still alive would make me want to keep reading.

  4. NO but sooo close. The pitch did not confuse me, but I'd lose the texting language. This isn't a tweet. The first two lines was where you lost me. We're supposedly in Addy's perspective, but telling me about the overworked eyes of the other students puts me in an omniscient viewpoint. That sort of error will pop a reader out immediately and make me suspect other similar errors throughout the book.

  5. YES: I love the comp titles and the creepiness of the pitch. Toward the end of the pitch, the sudden mention of town's secret experiments is jarring. I think you could either remove that bit or mention sooner. For the opening lines, they didnt grab my attention as much. Good luck :)