TITLE: Mourn Their Courage
GENRE: Adult Fantasy
In a land where necromancers are reviled and the dead feared, spirits talk to Liu Jie. Then the Emperor summons Jie to civil war. If he's not killed in battle, his men may kill him. Yet every ghost the usurping Chancellor creates wants to fight the demon-possessed Chancellor. If Jie exorcises the demon, his people will kill him. If he doesn't, he and everyone he's fought to protect will be damned.
Inside the Peach Orchard Inn, Lord Liu Jie expected to be murdered. He appreciated that he had a choice in how it might happen.
In a land where necromancers are reviled and the dead feared--isn't that pretty much every land? This doesn't seem remarkable enough to warrant a mention. Why might his men kill him? There are too many unanswered questions in this pitch for it to grab me.
ReplyDeleteI'm confused. Who's killing who now? Why is Liu Jie summoned to battle anyway? Why is he the only one who can exorcise the demon? Are there two Chancellors, and is he/they on the Emperor's side or Liu Jie's side? I like the first sentences, but the messy pitch makes this a NO from me.
ReplyDeleteNO
ReplyDeleteI really wanted to say yes to this as it seems like something I would enjoy, but the pitch was confusing once the chancellors came in. After reading the first sentences I would keep reading.
YES
ReplyDeleteThe pitch is confusing and needs to be more straightforward and specific, so I almost said no. But then the first two lines were really good, so that would make me read on anyway.
NO. Why would his men kill him? The story sounds episodic and the protagonist has no control.
ReplyDeleteplay bazaar tu he haqeekat khwaab tu dariya tu hee pyas tu tu dil be krari tu sukoonSatta Bazar
ReplyDelete