She levered herself up onto one of the rocks, her vision blurry from the mist and tears. The waterfall tumbled downwards and for a second she was tempted to follow. Every rock her life had rested on had been yanked from beneath her in the last six months. She'd been so focused on getting to her grandparents that she'd forgotten all she was leaving behind.
That was her life. Her life with them. In the capital. Her parents had said they'd find a place, somewhere she'd be of use without ever employing her magic. They'd promised it would be okay. That her life was going somewhere.
And it had led down a dead end. Grey was her only link with her past and he was being absorbed by this life: this boring, frustrating edge of existence.
Vera squirmed. "I know I should be grateful," she said. "I know I should. But I'm not. I hate it here."
She stood up. "I hate it here!" she screamed at the surrounding mountains, her voice lost in the thunder of the waterfall. "I hate it! How could you leave me? How could leave me with nothing? How could you?"
She dropped to her knees, and then onto her hands. She pounded them against the slick rocks. "It's not fair," she sobbed into them. "It's not. I never did anything."
She pulled her hands against her chest, rocking back on her heels. "Why? Why? What did I do? Tell me what I did!"
Self-pity, frustration and then sadness at the end?
ReplyDeleteSomehow, the emotions didn't grab me. Sorry
Frustration, self-pity, anger maybe.
ReplyDeleteIsolated like this the character seems self-indulgent and spoiled. I'd have to see it in context to see what it is she's missing do badly and if I agree with her.
I wasn't really pulled into the story. That's probably because I haven't seen the previous bits.
ReplyDeleteI think she was pretty upset at the end, and a bit lonely.
I'd say "hissy fit." Ditto on your MC coming across as spoiled, like just_me said. Be careful of writing scenes where your characters curses the fates and cries "Why Me?" to the heavens--it's been done thousands of times before.
ReplyDeleteAnger, frustration.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I see grief at this point. Maybe she hasn't reached it yet. To me, grief comes after the anger has been exhausted. I don't see her reaching grief yet in this piece.
I could see the grief and frustration, although I'm not sure I'm crazy about the crying out to the heavens part. I think you get inside your character's head well.
ReplyDelete"Despair" is the word that came to mind as I read.
ReplyDeleteIt was hard to jump in here, hard to know what led to this self-indulgence on the MC's part. The internal dialogue had some intriguing elements that made me curious about the rest of the story!
I got more despair than grief. It sounds like she's giving up after the rest of the world gave up on her.
ReplyDeleteAnger and resentment... I think helplessness too. <- All three emotions which fit together in one big bad mood. (^_*)
ReplyDeleteHer parents have shipped her off to the gypsies for her own good, without even asking what she wanted.