"I ain't helping no possum gang," the rat protested. "Them's cunning fellows, but I's too smart to let 'em snag me." He glanced again from Kaiawatha to Merlin.
"Don't even thing about selling information on us," Kaiawatha growled. "I'll remember what you smell like, and I'll hunt you down."
"Yeah," the rat said. "What'cha wanna know?"
"What's your name?" Merlin asked, feeling introductions were important. He didn't quite feel comfortable with Kaiawatha bullying the rat around.
The rat flashed yellow teeth. "Marco, ferret. Who yah be?"
"We're headed to SewerHaven," Kaiawatha said before Merlin could tell him his name. "Only we seem to have taken a wrong turn. You will show us how to get there."
The rat's eyes widened. "SewerHaven, eh? And what be I getting if I take yah two, eh?" A greedy look crossed his face.
"Your life," muttered Kaiawatha, showing her teeth.
"Aww, yeh wouldn't eat a poor critter like meself," Marco protested, trying to look hurt. "I'm hardly a mouthful." He glanced at Merlin again. "Yeh a young 'un, ain't yah ferret. They be pleased ta see yah at SewerHaven."
"I'm Merlin."
Kaiawatha snorted. "Don't get too friendly with this piece of scum, Merlin. You can't trust a sewer rat." However, she lifted her paw off his back so he could sit up.
"Oh, yah wound me," the rat said, stretching. "Tell yah what, I'll take yah, if yah say a good word for me, ferret, when yah get in and mebbe they'll be nice and rewarding."
I liked Marco's voice, but I kinda thought the 'g's in the '-ing' words needed to be dropped...if you're going for a southern(?) accent.
ReplyDeleteI liked this a lot. All three characters had separate and distinct voices. As heavy as the rat's dialect was, I had no problems reading it.
ReplyDeleteCute scene, and good dialogue. I like the characters.
ReplyDeleteThe rats well done. :o) The other two I have more trouble following, but I get the scene.
ReplyDeleteThe dialect comes through loud and clear, but maybe a little too much so—I felt a bit overwhelmed by all the shortened, misspelled/mispronounced words. If this is intended for kids, it might be too heavy for them to work through, too.
ReplyDeleteThe rat's speech came across strong. There might be a bit much, but it was easy enough to follow.
ReplyDeleteWell, since you already know what I think ;) *snickers* again, I like Marco's accent and think it works.
ReplyDeleteHaving read the novel I had no trouble following it and do enjoy this... should remind me to novel crit it for you sometime... O:)
~Merc
Oh! In regards to the speech patterns... compared to the Redwall ones, I must say this is positively easy on the eyes. O:)
ReplyDelete*snicker*
This is well done. The speech accents are very easy to read and digest. I found the scene funny.(I hope that was what you were going for.)
ReplyDeleteI think Marco's voice was great. I really liked him as a character too. Have you had middle grade kids read it outloud to be sure they can follow the dialect?
ReplyDelete