“My Korean name is Hyun Jin,” Samuel said.
“Ah, that is good name!” said the snake, nodding its scaly head. Then it frowned. “Why you stand on that seat?”
Samuel looked down at his feet and realised how silly he must look.
“Well, because you’re a snake,” he said.
The snake hissed in surprise, making Samuel jump. “I am no snake. I am Imugi!”
Now it was Samuel’s turn to frown. “What’s an Imugi?”
Dong Sun sighed. “Imugi is serpent who can - if he finds dragon’s crystal - become dragon himself. I will find crystal!”
This time Samuel almost fell off the seat. “What! Around here?” He laughed. “There are no dragon’s crystals around here. Australia doesn’t have dragons.”
The Imugi raised an eyebrow and shook its head. “Even so, I sense that crystal I seek is very close. I sense it all way from my homeland, and I follow it over the sea. I know it is here somewhere.” He waved his head about as he spoke.
Samuel sat down on the bench, with his legs crossed out of the Imugi’s way.
“Why were you hiding in our fish pond?”
The Imugi looked away, its head down. “Ah, well...snakes around here are not welcoming. They say I look strange. There are no snakes in pond, so I stay there until I find crystal. But if that not acceptable, I move elsewhere.”
Suddenly Samuel felt sorry for the Imugi. He knew exactly how it felt.
Very good! Only had a little inconsistency nitpick where Don Sung says 'all way from' and then in the same sentence says 'over THE sea.' It's probably not a big deal but I think if he drops 'the' in the first instance it should be dropped from the second instance. Or you could just use it in both instances.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise, I thought it was really good...an intriguing plot.
The idea of a snake speaking English as a second language with an accent threw me for a moment, made me wonder if he took English classes or what so he could speak with the MC... I guess I'm used to magic creatures just getting language skills magically, but the accent itself seemed to flow fine.
ReplyDeleteI thought Don Sung's voice was very good - there was the sense of it being accented, but not overly so. However, I wanted more of a feel for Samuel's voice, since he begins by saying what his Korean name is, but then later mentions they are in Australia - I had a hard time get any sense of place or identity from his dialogue.
ReplyDeleteI like it :o) Very different and good characterization.
ReplyDeleteI liked it—the Imugi seems like an interesting character. It confused me at first, though, why the snake seemed to speak in an Asian dialect until the bit about him crossing the sea to Australia. Maybe that bit could come earlier?
ReplyDeleteThe speech of the Imugi was easy to hear and follow. The one thing that threw me for a loop was the snake having an eyebrow. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat job! I love Dong Sun's accent and I really liked how he did have a bit more of an accent for being a magical creature rather than just speaking perfect English or whatever language it is. ;)
ReplyDeleteThe DL back and forth flows well and you have some very good moments of characterization. :D
This was a lot of fun, btw, I'd love to read more. Good luck with it!
~Merc
I really like the snake's voice. I studied it and I think you mostly achieved it by dropping the articles. Anyway it sounds great. Wouldn't Samuel have a stronger accent too if he grew up in Korea?
ReplyDeleteI liked it :) Good job :D
ReplyDelete