TITLE: Going Sane
GENRE: Women's Lit
Devil’s Canyon did its level best to live up to its name, which it did without even trying. The townsfolk joked that there were only two seasons . . . hot and cold. As far as Sophia was concerned, the seasons might as well be called misery and despair.
First sentence is clunky. Like the two seasons--misery and despair. Would read a bit more to see where it's going.
ReplyDeleteThis makes me think of where I live, so it got me to chuckle. I would keep reading.
ReplyDeleteI'm hooked, because my hometown is the same way - hot and cold. But in the first sentence, you may want to think about cutting out 'which it did without even trying.' It's clumsy and unnecessary, hurting an otherwise excellent first sentence.
ReplyDeleteI loved this. Full of voice and character.
ReplyDeleteThe first sentence did make me smile... but if you think about it, the two clauses are sort of contradictory. This one might need polish.
Like the title, as well as the two seasons line, but the rest didn't grab me. By the end of the selection, I (think) I realized Devil's Canyon was a town and not an actual canyon--confusing.
ReplyDeleteI like the last line, but I agree about the first sentence being clunky. The only two seasons thing seems a bit cliche to me.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked.
ReplyDeleteThe first sentence doesn't seem like it has anything to do with the third and fourth. What does Devil's Canyon have to do with weather? Also, weather (like dreaming, mirrors and waking up) is a very precarious way to begin a novel.
Almost hooked. The end of the first sentence makes me puzzle. How does a non-sentient object "try"?
ReplyDeleteLike half of this - the first part and the last part. I thought the parts in between could be cut.
ReplyDeleteI'd read some more to see if I was hooked.
I would cut the "which it did without even trying" at the end of the first sentence. Other than that, I like this and would keep reading. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteNice! (Although the word 'it' and 'its' cropped up too many times in the first sentence.)
ReplyDeleteI like the voice, and you've let us know Sophia doesn't consider her life in a happy balance right now, which means we can see a story coming our way. I would definitely read on.