TITLE: Echo
GENRE: Psychological Thriller
It was those tiny moments in the beginning that made the greatest difference in the end.
There should have been a hint, a whisper. Something. A primeval alarm from the forest around us – a warning that the sins of the winter were about to expose themselves.
Like it! Very mysterious.
ReplyDeleteI like this one a lot. Definitely hooked.
ReplyDeleteNice writing. I'd read on.
ReplyDeleteHooked. I'd read on.
ReplyDeleteNice writing, but not enough to ground me or know who the character is...still, it IS only the first fifty words. I would read on just to see what was in the next paragraph
ReplyDeleteNice writing. Good rhythm. I'd read on.
ReplyDeleteI want to be hooked, but it seems too vague. I'd read a bit more, though.
ReplyDeleteI'm semi-hooked. I liked how you started off and you have a nice lyrical tone to your writing voice. But the last line was a bit odd for me and made me think this was a paranormal and not a thriller.
ReplyDeleteI like the prose and foreshadowing. I would keep reading, but something needs to happen soon unless you are going for a straight literary type story.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. Granted, only 50 words. But it was all very nebulous. And, I was a bit put off by the sins of winter exposing themselves..."revealing" perhaps? But that's probably the editor in me coming out. :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with the previous poster. I need something more tangible. Maybe if I read a bit more, I'd be hooked. There is promise here, but I think you need to give the reader something to hold onto.
ReplyDeleteHooked, especially by that last sentence. I really liked it. Primeval threw me, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend throwing it out either.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, the first line was a little too cryptic for my personal taste. Not that it was bad, it just caused the teensiest eyeroll. But that could be a personal thing.
Nearly hooked, but I would keep reading ;-)
ReplyDeleteI like this a lot. The flow of words in wonderful and I feel I'm entrenched in the character's mind already. I'm hooked.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. There is a lot of extra drama going on that doesn’t draw me in, no action, just an attempt at suspense that doesn’t quite do it for me.
ReplyDeleteGive the reader something that makes them sit up, pulls them into the action or story right away. At this point, there is nothing to involve the reader or make them care about learning more about the story.
The first sentence is out of place and if that was all I read, I wouldn't go any farther. The rest, though raises enough quetions in my mind to make me want to read on.
ReplyDeleteI like the second paragraph, but not the first. It seems too vague and I'm not sure you really need it. Can you just start with the second sentence?
ReplyDeleteNicely mysterious and a bit creepy. Hooked, but it does need something more tangible soon.
ReplyDeleteNot for me, but this genre is not one I read either.
ReplyDeleteThe first sentence seems like it's not needed. And I laughed at "expose themselves" which I think is not the reaction you're looking for.
Hooked! You establish that the world has changed and consequences are coming. That lets the reader know there's a story on the way, which helps keep them interested.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you're telling us that there's a story on the way, but the story hasn't started yet is what keeps me from being fully hooked. The writing has started--and so should the story. Maybe skip this reflection after the fact and get to 'the fact'.
ReplyDeleteSorry, not hooked. I have no idea what's going on. "...those tiny moments in the beginning that made the greatest difference in the end..." This isn't really saying anything.
ReplyDelete