I also think you have room to expand. Your call on naming the gorgons; you could also say to save her people, or save her race/culture etc. Can you state how she bargains, specifically what Allie must sacrifice? I think you want to name the choice she makes in order to save her people. She bargains to win/lose/sacrifice to this goddess or else... DOOM.
Agreed with Patchi: this is too vague. Save them from what? Bargain with what, her life, her power...? Who is the goddess and why is she persecuting them?
Yes, too vague. I need to know why SHE (and only she) needs to do this NOW, and why it will be difficult. Also, it would help if you make this personal. Are there a lot of gorgons? Are there particular ones she wants to save or is she just doing this to be nice?
I agree it's vague. Be more specific. WHo is the Goddess and why does she want to kill the gorgons? ANd if the Goddess has spent millennia trying to kill them, what is it that makes ALlie take action now?
I think this is a bit vague. I'd like to know a bit more about the Goddess and the bargain.
ReplyDeleteI also think you have room to expand. Your call on naming the gorgons; you could also say to save her people, or save her race/culture etc. Can you state how she bargains, specifically what Allie must sacrifice? I think you want to name the choice she makes in order to save her people. She bargains to win/lose/sacrifice to this goddess or else... DOOM.
ReplyDeleteAgreed with Patchi: this is too vague. Save them from what? Bargain with what, her life, her power...? Who is the goddess and why is she persecuting them?
ReplyDeleteI agree with the above comments. You need to make the stakes clear.
ReplyDeleteGood luck.
Yes, too vague. I need to know why SHE (and only she) needs to do this NOW, and why it will be difficult. Also, it would help if you make this personal. Are there a lot of gorgons? Are there particular ones she wants to save or is she just doing this to be nice?
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Holly
I agree that there could be more. It's interesting, but could be even more so with a bit more information.
ReplyDeleteI agree it's vague. Be more specific. WHo is the Goddess and why does she want to kill the gorgons? ANd if the Goddess has spent millennia trying to kill them, what is it that makes ALlie take action now?
ReplyDelete